Everywhere Man

Toronto Zombie Walk 2011

2011-10-22T23:05:00.000-04:00

I had the great fun and pleasure to spend the day with the undead of Ontario. The Toronto Zombie Walk fills the streets of Toronto with the walking dead each year. Great group. Very creative group. You can follow the hordes at http://torontozombiewalk.ca/

World War Z

2011-08-15T21:40:00.000-04:00

I have finished reading Max Brooks “World War Z”, the locals would call it “World War Zed”. Thoroughly believing that a super virus could easily turn this great Canadian city into a walking dead filled trap I have been contemplating my escape for about a week now.

Each subway ride I am cautious to watch for suspicious behavior, gnawing on bones, slow unsteady walking, moaning, the occasional request for “brains.” Walking down the worlds longest street my eyes are on the watch for an alternative route. When I drive down the worlds busiest freeway my mind imagines cars lined up, never moving. It’s not really that hard to imagine on the 401. The burning remains, the grabbers stuck in seatbelts trying to reach out to you as you walk past – these will be the notable differences.

Will I run? Or just wait it out until winter? Zombies will freeze, right?

Guns. That is my concern, not enough guns.

Stay ahead of the crowds. Don’t wait for the rest of humanity to figure it out, leave early.

What will the best place to be when the Zombie invasion takes place? Quick, look to your left. What do you see that can stop a Zombie? Don't wait for the movie. It might just bee too late.

Canadian Healthcare

2011-07-25T21:05:00.000-04:00

Imagine for a moment the inside of a doctor’s office.

There a dozen or so chairs with old magazines with the soft gurgling sound of an aquarium. Behind a glass partition is a team of administrators in that days blue, pink, or green scrubs shuffling paper work and files between phone calls.

This is what I am looking for when I ask you for a reference on a good doctors office. Normally I would look through a directory to find someone with my name or some variation of it. However my situation in Canada has been problematic.

A country that we have been told offers free medical care only provides that to people who live there (which is totally understandable) or to visitors who have been paying taxes for three months.

To fill this three-month gap you can get private insurance. Unfortunately after repeated conversations and reminders to HR, my paperwork was lost again. This is not surprising, they have had me fill out everything at least three times since I have started with the company. But this was the important batch of paperwork, this was the paperwork that I dogged them about since the day I agreed to move to Canada.

When I asked several people for a reference on a doctor there were a few who requested a walk-in clinic. Advantages, open long hours, 9AM – 9PM, easy to get to, and the doctor is nice.

The waiting room with aquarium, many seats, and old magazines is only available in the US. This a bus stop terminal about the size of a closet with the penetrating odor of old vomit and urine. I am last in line at the counter behind twelve snaking out the door. I imagine that this is akin to standing in line for Soviet era toilet paper. I am afraid to get a few squirts of hand sanitizer. The germs hang in the air.

It’s a nice part of town, in a nice building; it even has a pharmacy across the hall for perfect convenience. This situation, apparently, is what it is.

When I get to the desk I explain I am an American without coverage and things change. They accept cash. I have cash. Cash in fact is king. I am escorted to a room to see the doctor right away. He is happy to see me – why come to Canada, what do you need? I explain and am sent on my way. Dirty stares follow me out the door and across the hall to the pharmacy.

Another line, another wait. But when I mention cash, cha-ching, I am at the front of the line. The pharmacist sees a miscalculation in the prescription and steps next door real quick. He comes back and says “I had the doctor double the prescription so you won’t have to come back for a while.” It is also twice the price. But I am paying cash and keeping receipts. Funny how capitalism seems favors me wherever I go.

Everyone's a Critic

2011-07-13T19:29:00.000-04:00

There are many rules to living single. Never close the door in the bathroom. Always force yourself to leave the house once day. Strike up a conversation with the people you are in line with. Act as if you are a food critic when eating alone.

That last rule is especially important tonight. My new neighborhood is full of great little places to eat and drink. Menus are imported from Asia, Europe, and England with a splash of American chains in-between. It’s exciting to have so many new places to try in walking distance.

From the outside tonight’s choice looks like a bar. On entry I find that this is one of those fancy places with cloth napkins. They are part of the citywide summer promotion to try new restaurants. They have a fixed menu at a fixed price to sample what they serve.

I walked from work and still dressed for the office. Do I look like someone who might review your establishment? The hostess was nice, that was a given. The waiter was pretty nice, that’s his job. But the chief? Yes, he stopped in and checked with me twice to discuss how everything was made. If he had done this at other tables, I might not have thought much about it, however I seemed to be of particular interest on a semi-busy night.

So how does one look like a critic? First, dine alone. Next, take notes on your iPad. Mine happened to be about ideas for a short story, but how will the staff know. Finally, watch the food network and drop key phrases into from the channel into conversation “lite”, “moist”, “airy”, “presentation”, “Jejune”.

It strikes me, over what might be the greatest carrot cake I have ever had tasted, that I am indeed a critic. Nearly everyone today is. What did I do once I got home? Write about my experience. (After working on social media all day you would think I would have made that connection earlier.) Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could grab that concept? Every customer is your critic. It is your job to make certain they have a great experience.

Liverwurst Lover

2010-07-01T19:11:00.001-04:00

She nearly ran me over at the deli counter. Her hard line walk was pointed in my direction and I had to be fleet footed to get out of her path.

“Excuse Me!” She said with all the snide discourse of Steve Martin.

I clenched my counter ticket number 79 a little tighter reminding myself to be clam. “I was in her way?” I thought.

Ten minutes earlier I had taken two tickets by mistake. I gave 78 to the very attractive brunet before I noticed the diamond ring on her finger. Now she was loading up her basket with pounds of meat for the holiday weekend.

Another ten minutes later I still found myself waiting. Now the woman who nearly knocked me over was standing next to me. A little too close. I could smell the glow of her afternoon activities blow in my direction.

“Number 79,” the deli man called.

As I stepped up to the counter holding my ticket up the obnoxious woman stepped in front of me without a ticket and boldly saying “Could I get a quick taste before you help him.”

He looked at her, turned his head and looked to me, then said “quick taste?”

The other deli man stepped in, “I can help you miss.”

“I would like to try your Boars Head liverwurst please.” Her thin untucked white shirt did not cover the size of her caboose in the tight black stretch paints.

“Liverwurst?”

“Yes, the Boars Head.”

The two deli men consulted for a second with their backs to us then turned back and one took my order while the other helped her.

Three simples things: turkey, ham and salami regular slice, one pound each.

Her order of “just a quick taste” turned out to be a task. It was a difficult to reach item buried in the case. It need to be opened. The soft nature of liverwurst makes the slices awkward to cut and better designed as a spread or for a spoon. Still, he pressed on.

I only noticed what had occurred when my deli man said “fucking bitch” under his breath. My patronage to this store was enough that he recognized me and knew he could say these things without recourse.

My deli man said to the other, “did she really just get a free sample of liverwurst and walk away?”

“She did.”

“Fucking bitch. No more samples for her. That is third time and the last time Now we have to strip and clean that slicer.” The two went to work on the chrome and steel machine.

Minutes later at the check out I stood in the cash only line. A specialty of single men.

The next lane over, with a large sign that read “Credit Card Only” the annoying woman from the deli was ruining the evening of another person. “I only have my debit card, what do you mean you only take credit?” Her voice began to rise.

Is it that people believe that they deserve special treatment? Are they fools who just don’t pay attention to the rules our society has in place? Maybe they like the high drama of stirring things up.

Whatever it is, I don’t find it very attractive. Plus, her breath must wreak. Who eats liverwurst like that?

Cleaning Cat for Adoption

2010-06-30T21:48:00.000-04:00

After work tonight I met up with my little sister for dinner. When I say little I really mean younger. We are both adults but I will always think of her as little.

Siblings are awesome. They know your jokes pretty well, they understand your history so you don’t have to explain everything up to that point, and of course they are your sibling. Well, that’s how it is with us at least.

After dinner we went to PetCo. I am watching her two cats next week. Plus they have a ten year old piranha and we had to buy him feeder fish.

I insisted we spend a few extra minutes with the cats that are up for adoption. There are always the little kittens that are oh so adorable. This time there were also two older cats in the top area - Jake and Pumpkin.

In the nice little write up about the two we find that they were old friends, Jake and Pumpkin. They had been together for seven years and be adopted as a pair.

We also learned that Jake has a digestive problem. Once we read this part of the profile Jake thought he would show us just what the trouble was. The brown soft serve started to fill the corner of the litter bin. It just kept coming out without a pause.

Next Jake put his nose in it and started to bury it like any normal cat. He scratched more litter, and more, and more until there was no litter in the bin except this large pile over his dirty corner.

Then he scratched around the edges pushing every particle into the bin. Then he worked out ward to the dust and specs that accumulated over the day on the white surface. Working further out in the area he kept cleaning, and cleaning. When he arrived at the food dish he cleaned and scratched around the food dish and the water dish.

Jake cleaned every corner of the living area for he and Pumpkin.

Pumpkin slept through it all. That is until Jake made his way over to him. Jake began to lick and rub all over Pumpkin until he could not longer lay there.

Pumpkin looked at Jake with a cold catty glare to say “Dude. It has been seven years. We have been over this before. I am fine. Stay on your side.”

Jake turned a full circle to explore his space and laid down.

Jake must have OCD.

Be a boyscout - be prepared

2010-06-28T22:19:00.002-04:00

I was flying back from Atlanta nearly asleep in my isle seat. It has become more difficult to fly. This is something you hear from many people who travel long enough.

The food was not that great. I was forced to watch TV re-runs and movies that the airline chose for me. This is not a longing for days gone by.

Today I bring what I would like to snack on or eat. My portable electronic devices allow me to read thousands of books, watch dozens of movies, or drowned out the annoying person next to me with the music and podcast I love.

No, flying is hard for another reason. The people who fly these days are less experienced at packing bags that fit into the compartment. They believe that they are special and unique and deserve more rights.

Hey, no one wants to be on the tarmac for hours. But lets plan ahead a bit. Have an emergency energy bar. Bring a back up bit of entertainment. Buy a large bottle of water in the terminal. Be ready. The airline isn’t going to be.

Learn to pack properly. All the things you brought will not be a carry on. All the things I brought is.

Orlando is New and Under the Sun

2010-03-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

Orlando has changed. It is always changing, but having been away for over two years it was really noticeable for this trip.

Part of this change has been my airline. I’ve gone from Northwest (NWA) to Delta after an acquisition. As a superstar traveler on NWA my sense were in tune with Trade Show World. Certain flights always went to certain gates, were over booked and would give you a free ticket, never made it on time, or were better in the morning than at night. Now that I am on Delta I step out of gates to a foreign land filled with different rhythms and patterns. Where is the best bathroom? Who has the best coffee? Where secret electrical outlets you can sit and work from? Hell if I know.

A few months ago I spend several hours reactivating my hotel award accounts. Some had expired and I lost point, others had email addresses from four jobs ago. This was my first time at this new hotel. The place was built for conferences. Two hotels share a rather large and advanced convention center between them. It is near Disney, so bring your spouse and family. But it is not on Disney property which adds a huge cost to producers, hotel stay, and meals.

It used to be the cornerstone of my calendar. Each year I did at least three events with these organizers, sometimes four. I was pretty tight with this crew knowing the programs and people. Those too have changed. Most friends have moved on while the few that remain have a pile of work and little time for much else. The dynamics have also radically changed from my sweet spot of new leads to a jobs fair for people who only want prizes and gifts. Fortunately my primary competitor spent three times more than I did and likely got the same or lesser results than I did.

My return flight was untypical for me. Why? Because I got hassled. I am not your George Clooney “Up In the Air” type of Everywhere Man who is charming and handsome with highly honed skills of persuasion. Instead I am the Del Griffith from “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” type of Everywhere Man who is friendly, amiable, and “goes with the flow.”

I stood in line to check in knowing better. I should have a) printed my ticket in the lobby of the hotel or b) looked for the other set of kiosks for passengers not checking baggage. But there I stood, with the rest of the cattle, mozy along.

Then I went go through security. With multiple lines to choose from, the entire design of the area is radically different than the other terminal I knew by heart. Too many choices. Too many teenagers with stuff in front of me. Too many older people not enough business people. Avoid the strollers? No, avoid the retired. No, avoid the long line. When I finally picked it was wrong, really wrong. So I jumped lanes to one that look better. Then, I got was randomly selected to wait in the box. Ugh. Then the two people behind me were selected as well. Now all three of us have piles of our stuff backing up the belt from the x-ray while the agent called for a “male search.” Go with the flow Del, go with the flow.
The gate was packed when I got there so I offered to give up my seat if needed to the agent. They were fine. No free ticket for me. I went to grab some yogurt and stood behind a man who was a) very slow and could not make up his mind b) hogging the the cooler space so I couldn’t grab what I wanted and c) gave me a dirty look when I said “excuse me, I just want to grab this.”

Boarding the flight when section four was called I was selected by the agent to check the size of my carry on. Now keep in mind, I have had this great bit of luggage my dad got me for a few years now. It is the same as “Up in the Air” by chance and fits the regulated size of the overhead compartment. But this agent disagrees. It will not fit in his opinion. So I had to check it. First time in forever. Keep in mind that three other people near me had the same cary on and were not stopped. I must have had a target on me.

On a more positive note, I was reminded once again how important it is for me that I be kind to others. Before the show wrapped up my neighbor Jennifer had no idea how she was going to send her booth back to the office. She was from Appellation State so we bad mouth UOM for a bit. Then I explained what she had to do. I walked her back and introduced her to the right people, then gave her some ideas on how to save money.

Once I took the time to pack up my brand new booth carefully and correctly I noticed that my other neighbor down the isle Thomas had no idea what he was doing. He had just gotten off the phone with his marketing person. Her explanation on how to pack was not helpful. She only reminded him how much the booth cost and not to break anything. Unlike the person I didn’t like six years ago, I didn’t break his booth and send it to the wrong location. Instead I took a half hour and packed the thing with him and sent it home.

Meeting new and interesting people, helping others, and seeing new places is really what Trade Show World is about.

I’ve given up defending Detroit

2010-02-01T19:03:00.001-05:00

I’ve given up defending Detroit. In the last three weeks I have spent most of my time in Canada and it’s become quite apparent to me that you learn most about your homeland through the eyes of others. There was once an analogy that I thought was pretty insightful -- it went something like this... America is like a child’s ant farm. There is a maze of tunnels filled with workers, everyone is busy, there is much excitement. The rest of the world is a child who doesn’t like ants.

I’m not sure that analogy was very good. I’ve heard others say that the child is a Martian who does not know what hands are, or is that the child has a giant rock and smashes the glass and the ants don’t enjoy true freedom from the world they created.

I can tell you that whenever someone hears I am from Detroit they explain the wonders that they had as either positive or scary. This I can understand. What I describe individual aspects of Detroit, things that’s a Detroiter would find important, they are quick to let me know of the bad opinions. There is an acronym for Ford which I will not repeat, and they are clearly not a vehicle that is a much admired. When I try to defend Ford and explained that of the major American automotive companies Ford is doing very well, that is very stable, but it didn’t take money from the government’s they brush me off quickly to tell me about Toyota.

When discussing sports I’m quickly shut down. While Detroit boasts one of the greatest hockey teams of all time, a long standing tradition of baseball, a dominating basketball team, and long time Arena football champions others are quick to point out the Detroit Lions suck.

On Sunday I called in to one of my favorites radio programs. It’s a show that discusses history in respect to current events. The upcoming episode focuses on taxes. I pose the question why some states get more federal dollars or services, like Alaska, then other states like Michigan. While their answers of how this came to be where insightful the final conclusion they gave was “Michigan needs fewer residents to get more money.” My only response “I’ll see what I can do”. There has been a mass exodus over the last few months from the great state of Michigan. The slow drip and drainage of my peers moving to Chicago and other major cities has been consistent all my life. There is not much more I can do.

I distinctly recall an article in Newsweek in 1988 reporting that more people are born in Michigan leave Michigan and eventually returned to Michigan to die than any other state in the union. How they track that number I haven’t a clue.

It’s true I’m leaving. You can say I’m throwing in the towel. You can call me nasty things. I love the big mitten we call Michigan. I love the little button located above us. In all my travels there is no finer state, no kinder people, than that of Michigan. I’ll only leave if there for all to read, I love Michigan. One day I shall return. But until that day I will only refer others to read this blog. I win the argument with everyone.

Meow

2009-12-14T21:27:00.001-05:00

Remembering Why I am Here

2009-12-03T21:53:00.003-05:00

This afternoon I spent 20 minutes with M and A. As Everywhere Man I spent nearly all of my eight years on the road with them. They were with a competitive company and at many of the same events. They are also very good friends.

In 2006 they wanted me to come to Toronto and work with them at a new company they started. I turned them down. But here I am, admitting I was a lost fool over the last three years and BOY DID I HEAR ABOUT IT! They promise to continue to rub my nose in this for many years to come. Think of all the money I would have made, I would be running the place by now…

Good friends don’t let you forget the good times.

Almost, but not the same

2009-12-02T19:22:00.001-05:00

Day two of my new gig in Toronto - I notice the differences still and hope they will soon go away. The people here are great, super nice, work hard, but they are not the same as those back home.

In my, let’s call it three years, since really being Everywhere Man I think I have grown a heart. There are emails or Facebook entries from friends or family wishing me well and asking how it is, but it is just making me sad. I miss home. I miss the cat. I miss that breakfast joint I went to for a year and the cleaner on the corner. Sure, I will head home each week for a while, but right now it is my second day at camp and I miss mom.

There is so much potential here. So many cool things to do and see. I wish this place came with a fast-forward to skip ahead to the part when I am cold and ruthless living in the city and have forgotten those simple suburbanites in the big mitten.

When I first moved to Chicago in 1991 it was a leap. Just jumped right in. It wasn’t until two years later driving a car while back home that I realized that I really like to drive. I, in fact, had not driven a car during those two years - it was just public transit.

Home is only four hours away. Four hours that I know will pass by quickly once I get in the swing of it. But I am older, and wiser, and know that eventually there will be another thing I miss like driving - but it won’t be that as I will be driving too much. It is definitely the cat.

Everywhere Man returns - Check here and read more

2009-11-30T20:06:00.001-05:00

In the morning I start my new job in Toronto. Much like the one in Ann Arbor I will return to my Everywhere Man status. The first few months look to be a lot of four hour drives between Michigan and Toronto but the plan is to eventually relocate there.

My feelings are mixed. It is a good job doing what I enjoy at a reasonable salary. Still it is a departure from friends and family and this big mitten I call home. This may have been easy to pick up three years ago or even two; but right now it seems almost foreign. Can a mind be set in entropy? I find that I want things to be more clear and systematic but there is this haze of unorganized uncertainty.

Most first days will cause this feeling. What should I wear? Will I make friends? I am accustomed to that feeling. This goes beyond that and is focused more on leaving the U.S. To this I tell myself that Hemmingway, Fitzgerald, Maugham, Lawrence, and Hughes all left home and we are all better for it. As if I were in the Godfather, I too have left, “but they keep pulling me back.” The “they” in this case is Michigan.

Over the last three years I have grown accustomed to staying home and building memories with friends. There has been slight tug of adventure and wonder of what city I might be in or plane to be on if I were still in Tradeshow World. Well, we will soon find out. And those memories with good friends will fuel me until we see each other again when I am certain a long litany of Canadian jokes to join them.

Everywhere Man returns - Check here and read more.

Recent Videos I Have Produced

2009-09-22T10:18:00.001-04:00

Forward

2008-06-30T20:38:00.003-04:00

Everywhere Man is now The Great Mix Experiment

Please set your bookmark to http://thegreatmixexperiment.blogspot.com/

The things I can't say

2008-06-29T18:24:00.000-04:00

There are many things I could tell you about from this last week.

New York
My 32 hours in New York did not change my perception of the city, although after riding on a double-decker bus tour, the city is pretty to me again. Travel has not changed much since my last trip in November of 2007. Much of what was covered at the conference was pretty well covered three years ago, but it is nice to review.

New Job
My current work is new for the people who hired me, but something I have been doing on and off for several years now. It is nice to have a variety of topics to choose from and the resources of the editorial staff from this publication. I have made a good impression since starting here in February. The metrics are double what they were and we have already done as many of these things as they had done over the last two years.

New Location
It is official. I no longer live in a cramped apartment in the people’s republic of Ann Arbor. My luxurious penthouse in Berkley is now home. It’s good to be back on this side of town.

New News
Well - here is the problem. I have no news. In fact I am thinking that it might be time to change up the Everywhere Man blog to something more reflective of these days. I wouldn’t throw it away - to many great stories here. But don’t be surprised if there is a new site to go to after the holiday.

5072.30 Miles South East of Dutch Harbor

2008-06-24T22:14:00.002-04:00

The Green Hornet and I agree that Mike Rowe can do no wrong. Watching The Deadliest Catch these past few weeks The Green Hornet as decided, rightly so, that we should only give our location in miles from Dutch Harbor - Just like Mike.

If we were to write a movie Mike Rowe would narrate and give the location of ever scene in distance to Dutch Harbor or how Dirty a Job it was to do.

5072.30 miles South East of Dutch Harbor tensions are high on the Oakshire. Tempers flare as we fight for the remote control to fast forward past commercials.

Things Own You

2008-06-22T21:15:00.001-04:00

Today was filled with packing and throwing things away again. There may be one more day left before I say goodbye to Ann Arbor for good.

While I wrapped my family heirloom full collection of 1973 Looney-Toons collectable glass from Hardee’s in tissue paper my mind drifted back to childhood. During the 70’s I lived in Oakland County, mom drove her VW, there were little used bookshops and art stores on Woodward, and things were good. Decades later I find irony in how little has changed as I drive a VW, stop at book stores, art shops and deli’s along Woodward and have now returned to Oakland County. There are no Hardee’s to collect glasses from, but that is little consequence.

There are two other family heirlooms in my possession. At times I am at odds with how I feel about them. One is a table that seats 45 people when all of the leafs are inserted. This separates into pieces that I can carry on my own. It’s size demands that a friend with a truck or van assist me. The second is a desk. The desk is older than the dinning room table. It was my great grandmothers. It may well have custom made for her as it is tiny for me to sit at. Designed before the age of computers, it has no holes in the back. A rugged well-made bit of furniture, it fit easily into the trunk of any American car of the era. It fit into the back of my hatch back for the last several moves as well. But Jenna wants nothing to do with it.

As wonderful as those cherished memories are, rekindled with each use or packing, I find that the responsibility of ownership is often a burden. I am nearly responsible enough to keep plants. If this continues I may be ready for a pet of my own one day. If that works, I might be ready for a real relationship. Moving would be much easier to throw things away and continue the disposable lifestyle. Instead I must take care things do not break while packing and have people help me move yet again.

For some time I have not wanted to own anything that I could not move on my own or toss out. That time has passed.

The Road to the White House

2008-06-19T21:30:00.002-04:00

John

Barry

We helped a woman move her organ for Fathers Day

2008-06-15T22:29:00.001-04:00

The Silver Fox is a cowboy out west this week, so there were no Fathers Day plans.

The Green Hornet and I pretty much stayed close to Berkley (my new home) the whole time. It is a small and very friendly community. During evening strolls every person who passes greets me with hellos and good evenings. I am not accustomed to just how nice they are. But it is a great place to be.

After another trip to the people’s republic of Ann Arbor I was reminded again of why I no longer fit in there. Just pulling into the old apartment complex I nearly got hit, as always. People there just look at there feet or completely ignore you rather than even smile.

Jenna, loaded with nearly the last of the good stuff, drove a leisurely 70 mph at 47 mpg. I listened to my public radio and the long trip. It’s hard to believe I actually miss being in the car for more than my 15 minute each way daily commute. But that is what Jenna was made for, the long haul.

I unloaded the girl, watch the Tigers win another, almost loosing it in the 9th. The Green Hornet grilled some great big burgers. After we walked up to Clark’s Ice Cream on 12 miles because we had heard good things. For your conversion purposes in the future, a small is really a large, and a medium is really a super-duper extra large. Plus, it tastes great.

On the way home we saw a petite mom and her middle school son try to move an old organ into their home. The Honda Pilot was backed up to the porch as close as they could get it in the tall uncut lawn. So The Green Hornet and I walked up and moved it up a few steps into the front room. From the looks of things, single mom in a new house with yippee dogs. She was so thankful that she wouldn’t let us leave until The Green Hornet told her his favorite type of beer, she would find us and bring a six-pack.

Thunderstorms are passing through the area again. Cable and electric flickered during the worst of it. But this hamlet is now my home and I like it very much.

Gotta Like Boobs - A Lot!

2008-06-10T19:25:00.004-04:00

I am at a point in my life where I am no longer concerned with who knows this small fun fact about me: I love boobs.

Yes, several readers are ladies, and I am sorry to offend you. But after “looking with out looking at them” daily, hourly, every few moments, I have to believe that some of you already know that many men and I like them.

There are moments in the reflections of the elevator or bending over to pick something up that the tightly packed and prepared packages are perked and peeked at.

It does not matter the size, the age or the fitness - they always catch my eye.

Cleavage is great. With the advent of so many new bra technologies the ladies have made great advances in the way they look.

So I guess rather than prove my perversions more than I already have - I will simple end by saying thank you. Thank you for sharing, for prepping, for whatever you do to make yourselves so presentable. I have noticed. I have taken quick catches and long looks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Click Here to Play

The Cup

2008-06-09T21:17:00.000-04:00

The next morning Judas and I felt pretty bad. The place was a wreck from the party the night before and no one had cleaned up from dinner.

As we start to clean, our heads throbbing, Judas turns to me and says, “Check out The Cup.”

There it was on the table, all silver and pretty. What was at the bottom? Wine? Champagne? They must have even passes it around to one another.

“You know what would be cool? If wee took The Cup around to people and let them pose with it” says Judas.

“They’re going to pose with it? Then what?”

He thinks for a moment “Pose with it. Touch it. We say a few nice things. People want to see The Cup.”

“Well,” I say “if we are going to do this right, I am going to change my title… to Sir Stanley.”

“Sounds good” Judas says “give me a hand with this.”

And that is how I got to see the Stanley Cup at work this afternoon. If I cared for hockey I would have had a chance to get my photo with it. But to see it live was enough.

To think of all the famous people who have touched it makes me want to get a bottle of Purel.

Why do NYC & Tokyo bear the unfair burden of Monster Attacks?

2008-06-08T19:03:00.002-04:00

Why do NYC & Tokyo bear the unfair burden of Monster Attacks? Other cites face fire, tornado, sheer wind, the plague and other Godly wrath. Is there a monster version of catnip dusted over these metropolises?

There are a few arguments I could make - A certain televangelist would say that the sins of these citizens have turned them into Sodom and Gomorrah. I image that we could blame Bush, as he is the international scapegoat for anything gone wrong since November of 2000. Yes, there is the argument for banning nuclear testing in the 50’s or “global warming” effects.

Why do you think NYC & Tokyo bear the unfair burden of Monster Attacks? Best answer wins!

High School

2008-06-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

Being a senior in high school is like nothing else in life. It is one of the few times you will think you know everything and be undisputedly on top.

So what do seniors value? What are the priorities of these few elite?

First and foremost there is prom. Prom can be a magical experience shared between two best friends. It can be a fumbling exploration of two strangers. More important these days are the parade of fashion and style. The pageantry of expensive dresses one would only wear once to shine above all the rest has got to be priority number one.

After the prom is the immortal senior photo. Here you will be haunted for decades for what you decided to wear that one-day at the photo studio. It will be a lasting mark generations can turn to in their yearbook and point to in fond memory. It can also be a milestone of where you were in life, who your friends were, what choices you made, and what really happened at the prom.

Comcast still Sucks

2008-06-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

Two things happened this weekend. I will start with the obvious… I have Internet connection again.

Comcast still sucks and I have a new respect and love foe WOW! While the Comcast bot made you all think that Comcast cares, in actuality, Comcast Sucks! I dropped off the box at their inconvenient office. The person there took the box with out saying a “hello” or “welcome” and scanned it. She noted the account was closed and told be that I owed them money. I didn’t. They owed me for eight days of service. I told her that and she laughed. When I asked for a receipt she said she couldn’t give me one.

There was a letter at my new address from Comcast Sucks. They were informing me that I had requested and address change and that it had taken place. If I did not request this I should inform them right away. This does not make sense to me. If someone were to impersonate me at a new address - how could I get this letter from Comcast Sucks if I am still at my old address and thought the cable went out.

WOW! Really has a good service. The person who installed this location was a decent guy. My new roommate asked questions such as “do you always have this kind of cable in the van? Or are there different types?” With this line of questioning we have determined that the Comcast Sucks installation team are idiots and just wanted to pass off putting in the totally brand new hook up - which involves extra work.

Did you notice what the second this for this weekend is? I have a roommate now. It’s the first time I’ve lived with anyone since 1998. That ended with me cleaning the toilet with her toothbrush for a week before telling her I did that and continuously asking for her to stop her cat from peeing on my bed.

This roommate is the mayor. He knows everyone, everyone likes him, respects him, and keeps in touch with him from the days in the fraternity. This should be a great influence on me.

He has a cat that has taken well to me. She is very playful and sweet.

My drive is now going to be about 20 minutes each way. A huge difference from the hour plus I have been doing in different directions since August of 2006.

Good weekend. Great start to the summer. Now I just need to meet some nice girls and the Tigers need to start winning.

Comcast SUCKS!

2008-05-26T22:43:00.000-04:00

You will not hear from me for a week or so. I am moving. Opposite of what is advertised as simple and easy, Comcast is really bad at helping people move.

Nearly three weeks prior to my initial date of transferring my cable from one location to the next I called and spent a good half hour talking the Comcast person through my relocation. Things I stressed a) this new location has NEVER had cable before b) the date I would like this done c) what I will need in the transfer d) how much it will cost.

After that call I did not get the initial date I wanted - rather it was a full week later. Aside from that, it would be free, I could use my current box, and that the correct installation person for a new install would be sent. So I stayed with Comcast, not a dish or other provider.

Fast-forward several weeks. I get a confirmation call that Comcast will be there. It is automated - so I call back to get a live person. She tells me it will not be free. There is a $20 fee. But the correct person for a new installation (I did stress this) would be there.

Next day I get a text from roommate. I call him. The person they sent was not ready. He didn’t know it was a new installation. He was not ready. But next week, he could be back with the correct stuff. Oh yeah, by the way, the installation fee is more like $80 and my current box would need to be returned.

Rather than consider this a miscommunication, because the chances of one of these points be incorrectly exchanged would be that, I say that Comcast lies. After paying nearly $200 a month for several years, you should treat me better. Much, much better.

I will give them this… they did disconnect my current apartment on time. They sure got that right.

So as the new cable company I have decided to switch to will be at the new house next week, and the old cable company who are a pack of liars has disconnected my apartment I am leaving, I may not be able to post much here for a while.

Why would a company treat customers badly?

Indiana Jones and the Heartbreak

2008-05-23T00:15:00.001-04:00

I make great efforts to not know about certain movies. People will point and laugh/hoot when I cover my eyes or look away from a movie preview.

Such was the case of the new Indiana Jones movie. I didn’t watch or read a thing. My guess at plots and character are too good to enjoy a movie if I know too much.

The rule of thumb on Indy movies… Odd numbers good, even numbers bad. This is the opposite of Star Trek and does not apply to Spiderman… once again proving what a big nerd I really am.

Things I like about the new Indiana Jones: Indy, Mutt, action, ants, and a few islands of wit and interest.

Things I don’t like: Lack of plot, the stretch on the suspension of disbelief, and the over use of blue screen animation.

Here is what works: your villain is a counter balance to the good guy; you have to have a great villain to make your good guy look great. Hitler and the Nazi’s are the most villainies group of the 20th century making Indiana look great. When you bring in the “B” list bad guy Indy looks old and inept.

Here is what people relate to: a goal for the hero that is relatable. Christian treasure and lore is much more intriguing than rocks and the supernatural. Good Christian treasure to find would be the Ark of the Covenant, the cup of Christ, or the one female descendant of Jesus. Rocks and cross-pollinated fantasy just don’t cut it here.

If you are an Indiana Jones fan who has seen every move and his young television adventures like me… save yourself the heartache and skip this one all together.

Barry Gibb Show

2008-05-18T23:10:00.001-04:00

Fade

2008-05-17T14:54:00.001-04:00

It was my typical Saturday morning starting with the regular breakfast at the diner. It took a few minutes to get the hostesses attention just to be seated. Then I had to flag down the waitress just to get a menu and place an order. The place was slow at this time of morning, part of why I go there at that time. It was a curious situation.

The next stop on my Saturday morning is the bakery that has great coffee. I go there nearly every day. This morning was a bit busy, but all of the staff there knows me. I got in line to pour my coffee right behind the two ladies I had opened the door for. But before I could step up to the pot, a tall witchy woman stepped in front of me and took her sweet time with a sample, mixing the right amount of cream and sugar before stepping away. She never even acknowledged I was there. Approaching the counter to pay she slid right in front of me again, this time with an order for four loaves of bread. I was there a while.

Later in the day I stood at the deli counter as three women cut in front of me before I could get salads for the barbeque. In my car I tried to back out of my space when a grey truck pulled up right behind me a stopped. The driver chatted with his girl, pulled out a camera and began to snap photos of another car. I honked. I revved my engine. They did not care. I lay on the horn and they finally look up to see me. “Hello” I wave with my finger, please move.

I blame these stuck up hypocritical hippie mothers who are so self-righteous that they cannot think of anyone else while wearing their summer furs over running suits in the Peoples Republic of Ann Arbor.

I blame these self-absorbed college students who live a reckless youth unknowing what privilege and advantage they hold.

I blame others and not myself. I am too nice of a person to speak up.

Driving home it occurs to me that I am too large of a person to ignore. Maybe so large that people look away? There are days when I don’t speak to anyone. My weekends of isolation are broken as I mumble my Monday morning hello’s at work or grumble the first words across a cell phone to friends.

Perhaps I am beginning to fade away. A single person of my age and gender blends into the background of suburban lifestyles easily overlooked and forgotten. What seems a short time ago you could not help but notice me. I was energetic and obnoxious. In these later years I do not offend and bite my tongue from ever speaking so I do not have to face the memory of misspeaking in my elderly years.

Outside of my circle

2008-05-15T19:52:00.003-04:00

She bares the burden of a beautiful face. Her hair is a white blond that children get in long sunny summers but cut in a 50’s bob for her final project in cosmetology.

We are both a little drunk. I kiss her. We kiss for a while. I make my way down her neck and help unbutton her top. Her white bra is brilliant against her tanned skin.

Further down what I find makes me pause. It has been some time and I want to force myself to move on and make the moment about me.

Surrounded by perfect soft skin and whips of baby hair in the center of her six pack is a red blotch of torn and rebuilt tissue.

“What is this?”

She sizes me up in seconds. Maybe she already had at the bar. “It’s nothing.” She takes my hand in hers and presses it against her breast.

The tone of her voice was not convincing. It was something. It may have been everything. Is tonight just another night for her to forget about? My heart is in the way again.

“Really. What is this?”

She moves backward on the couch and places her petite feet on my lap. I take off her cruelly designed yet fashionable shoes and rub her feet. It stirs a deep sigh and warm moan before she starts her tale.

She met a boy, no, young man in his twenties who was unsettled. She thought they were in love, but what does a sixteen year old know about love? He wanted her to be with him, move in with him, to be his prize and object of desire. But this was months before she figured that out.

By the time she wanted to break things off he was hooked. Still unsettled. They had not seen each other for weeks until one night he shows up at her window on the tree limb he used to climb to get past her father. He got in the window. Her father came to the room with his gun and fired twice. A month later she came out of the comma the ward of her aunt.

“So to answer your question,” she looked straight into my eyes “Yeah. I did size you up at the bar.”

“What did you see?”

“A nice guy who can look past the damage to see the goods.”

Dating a pedophile

2008-05-14T19:35:00.002-04:00

Normally I am a big hearted and understanding guy.

It takes a lot to put yourself out there, go on blind dates and still feel good about yourself after a stranger has made clear and distinct judgments about your whole life from spending just 60 - 90 minutes with you.

I am drawing the line. Putting in your profile that you are a pedophile is just going to draw in the wrong crowd…

Okay, I just got it, we have a date on Friday. I’ll let you know if she touches me in the swimsuit area or puts me on a leash. Wink! Wink! (see you are not sure which is the good thing, that's the joke.)

An open letter to Baby Henry

2008-05-07T21:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Baby Henry:

Welcome to a world of endless wonder and opportunity! It is great to have you here. We have been waiting.

It seems that you are the first girl in many generations. Uncle Kyle, Uncle Matt and I find this very fitting. As you are the perfect genetic blend of the two smartest and funniest people I know, I am confidant that you will already understand why we find this fitting.

Your timing could not have been better actually. We are starting out this new century of ours and could really use your help. About 100 years ago planes were just starting to fly, Lincoln was put on the penny and we were still a good 12 years away from women’s suffrage being recognized in the 19th Amendment. But this century is off to a really good start. The things we face today are much more inclusive in the decision-making process and survival of the fittest really has thinned out a lot of the idiots.

Your mom and dad left for the hospital on a cool spring like evening in the middle of watching Curtis Granderson and the Detroit Tigers beat the Boston Red Sox 10 to 9. It was a really important win in a series of losses. But they never gave up, and neither should you.

Here is the game plan. Over the next 18 years we need you to study hard even if it comes easy to you. Next, you have to go to college. I know, I know, but it’s a subsection of the 28th Amendment, your dad can explain.

After you go to college, you have to spend a year in another country. You may not want to leave the greatest country in the world, but it will help you appreciate things more. It also looks great on a resume.

A great career and the third best man you will ever meet in your life (after your dad, grandpa and me) will find you and love you like no one else ever could.

Next, you have a daughter of your own. It will be magical and beautiful. And she will know that you love her even if you do get mad that she is nearly a week over-due.

Since I have your life planned and set before you here, the only thing left for you to do is enjoy as much of it as you can.

All our hopes and dreams are with you…

Paul

P.S. Watch out for the black cat, it still has claws and the orange one bites.

If songs were put to PowerPoint

2008-05-07T20:10:00.004-04:00

No more Mr. Nice Guy

2008-05-05T22:20:00.001-04:00

After being a "nice guy" for some time I have decided to make a change and follow this rule:

http://view.break.com/493085 - Watch more free videos

He was a hairy bear, he was a scary bear...

2008-05-02T00:28:00.001-04:00

The Haunted House of Ludington

2008-04-30T22:52:00.002-04:00

I booked the room because the place had character. It’s the white castle of the north woods, who wouldn’t want to stay there. Reviews on Yahoo are mixed - older travelers found the place to be accommodating and decent. Younger travelers talked as if the pace should be blown up.

What really clinched the deal for me was that the place was haunted. Phil would be there alone on Friday night. Let’s test to see if the place is really haunted! The photos look like the winter resort from The Shining.

Now I love Phil, everyone who has ever met him does. But I could not resist the chance at scaring my big brother in a haunted hotel.

The House of Ludington was built in 1865. We stayed in the west wing built in 1910 (Red would have been 4 years old) in a suite. After I arrived, mid-day, and walked up the stairs to the first floor, down the dark halls that rose and drooped between the floor joists and into the room, I felt really bad for my brother. This place was pretty scary on a normal afternoon.

Here are some videos from You Tube that will prove it.

Can you see the face in this first video?

Follow the light that scurries across the floor. The video will not show it, but there is no way that light can come from an outside source.

Watch carefully as the “spirit” darts past the camera.

In all honesty - The House of Ludington in Escanaba is a fine place to stay. It does have character and charm that is no longer found in chain hotels. Ed the owner has a nice place and good sense of humor. Next time you are going through the UP, The house of Lundington is the only place to stay.

Red’s Scrapbook

2008-04-29T20:36:00.003-04:00

We were fortunate to see this scrapbook. You see he died over 30 years ago and the things he owned and collected (which were too numerous to discuss) were often misplaced or went missing. A neighbor discovered this book in a collapsed barn years ago and passed it along to the man in yesterday’s video.

Glued to the pages of the old science book are the trinkets and text that chronicled the days Red transitioned from a small northern town to a small college town in the southern peninsula.

Consider that the Mackinac Bridge and I-75 were thirty years away from being built. Keep in mind that the newly named Wrigley Field he bought tickets to was only 13 years old, had just that year added a second deck, and was still home to the Chicago Bears outside of the baseball season.

This was truly a different time in America. His collection of memories pasted and pressed for decades makes me wonder what things I hold on to in my life will tell my tale? I refuse to hold on to everything, just the important things. Keep only those photos and stories that reflect what is significant and central to me.

What will you keep?

Induction of Red Erickson

2008-04-28T23:11:00.003-04:00

Red Erickson induction into UP Sports Hall of Fame 2008 from psquared on Vimeo.

The long and winding road

2008-04-27T19:43:00.004-04:00

It was 83 degrees when I left the office a few minutes early and headed north on Friday. It was good and bad. The good would be warm weather for the Tigers and a great night to watch for my good friends there. Jenna the Jetta runs ore efficiently warmer weather so I should get better mileage. The bad of it, after watching “Top Gear” take Jenna’s twin sister the Audi A5 as far as they could on one tank of fuel; I tried to drive with out AC, lights or any additional excess to get the most efficiency from her diesel engine. I even considered removing the spare and extra weight as they did on that episode.

By the fourth inning the AM station was beginning to fade and crackle. Tigers were pitching a no hitter and tied at zero. It was a little warm but things were getting better with the sun behind the clouds. Boy, we sure needed rain. Phil had sent me an email that I75 was closed that morning as a wild fire had jumped the freeway. When I arrived it smelled like the largest campfire was fully ablaze with the soot and embers still roadside.

I slept at the foot of the Mighty Mac deep in the banks of fog. I couldn’t even see her signal lights this night. Once in my room storm that would have shaken Noah’s nerves moved through the tip of the mitt. Orange and red blotches covered The Weather Channel’s local radar. A few years of living up north will keep you from “pushing on” through the night.

At first light the clock radio from the vacant room next door stirred me. With a complimentary breakfast and few words with locals I bought some fudge in town for Phil and headed west to Escanaba.

When I crossed the bridge I had a quarter tank of gas and a little ore than 300 miles behind me. But this cold and snowy morning would be harder on Jenna’s Diesel engine. To make up for this I would drive the posted limit through Paul Bunyan’s playground of 55 mph.

Phil had stayed that Friday night at our haunted and historic castle “The House of Ludington.” Having stayed in so many hotels across this land I have come to the conclusion that chain hotels, for better or worse, are pretty much the same. When given the opportunity to stay at a place with character, you should take it. This place has character. Over the last 10 years it has changed hands and seen many visitors. While it is updated, it has not been recently updated. But that is okay. I later learned that the bed was warm and comfortable on a cold April night.

That afternoon Phil and I met up for lunch and ran some errands he had not gotten to that week. We met up with the Marv, Elaine, Brian and Clair - these are our relatives on this side of the family. Good people. Kind people. Entertaining people. It was a hoot just to hang out and hear stories.

The reason for this trip was detailed a few months back Click Here. Red Erickson, my great uncle was being inducted in the UP Sports Hall of Fame. It was an interesting event that made me think on the whole drive home about how one lives their life. The sum of that life, the interpretation of that life by others and the impact one person can have on a community or generations of family.

After the ceremony we felt the cold air separate our group after hours of talking and telling tales about the family. It was good to be back in our haunted hotel, protected by the spirits that walked its halls or had gone in my belly.

Morning broke early - way too early. In the middle of the night I stumbled into the bathroom like an old man. Phil called out from his room thinking it was time to stir, and fell right back to REM when I told him I had to pee. But the hotel added pipes after it was built - the wall were only far enough apart for the toilet to fit, and I am a pretty big guy to stand or squeeze into that space. Even Phil had a hard time in that bathroom. Plus with a flush the moaning pipes bellowed through the four-story building (which is why I think they say it is haunted.)

At a normal hour we met for breakfast before going our separate ways. After a few more stories and one too many cups of coffee for the seven-hour drive home we parted with promises of emails and phones for getting together this summer before it was too late.

My drive home was filled with the sounds of a CD mix from Phil and the reflections of one life.

Total trip 952 miles at 50.5 mpg

Friday Afternoon Interview: Sarah Chalke

2008-04-24T23:26:00.001-04:00

Hi, I'm Lame

2008-04-23T22:18:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know I have done nothing by post videos, I know that is lame. But I'll have some good stories to share soon.

Best Ad of the Week

2008-04-20T20:23:00.001-04:00

Friday Afternoon Interview: Bill Murray

2008-04-17T23:00:00.001-04:00

Top Gear in the US

2008-04-15T21:01:00.002-04:00

This is one of my favorite television shows. It’s a real hoot to watch these three “muck around.” Part of the fun is keeping up with the Queens English and all those fun colloquialisms we just wouldn’t understand with our public school systems.

It is well worth watching both of these videos in their full length. While our fellow citizens certainly make the south an easy target, I think there is something redeeming about the story.

Part 1 - Laps

Part 2 - Death Race

The World is Watching

2008-04-15T19:37:00.001-04:00

I have been in the position to hear and read a good deal of commentary on how the world views the US. While it is funny, I do admit it is funny, I grow weary of these views. So this week I’ll post the funniest things about how “Americans behave.” After that, we turn the tables.

Friday Afternoon Interview: Bob Lutz

2008-04-11T10:04:00.003-04:00

You can read more about Bob at Fast Lane Blog

Snoopy Snow Cones and Class

2008-04-09T20:39:00.004-04:00

“Phil V” (not to be confused with the Silver Fox) and I were exchanging some emails about some plans for the end of the month. Here I am in my new job, at my new office, getting a little weepy over some stupid stories he reminded me of that I hadn’t thought of in years.

It got worse, of course, when I thought back to my very missed childhood and what a great brother he is (possibly the best - votes are still being tabulated.) It is symbolized best by two items - the Snoopy Snow Cone Machine and the movie "Class."

Phil had a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine, and one hot summer he made snow cones for me, and the boys next door who had a dog named Josie. Later that night they swore and they spent several hours trying to convince me that they really said “Eat a Josie.” To this day I could not tell you what they really said. I am certain that I later broke that Snoopy Snow Cone machine as little brothers often cause trouble.

After the move and cable was invented, I am sorry to report (not that the parental units didn’t already know) I watch some R rated movies. The one that I recall seeing before “Phil V” went off to State was “Class.”

Now for something that should entertain the rest of you who don’t know what the hell I am talking about or who the people I am writing about are.

Enjoy (safe for work)

New Puppies are Trouble

2008-04-07T21:57:00.006-04:00

Friday Afternoon Interview: Linder

2008-04-03T21:42:00.002-04:00

Linder... Thank you for joining me for the Friday Afternoon Interview. We all know that I am a self centered, egocentric and shallow bastard, what's it like to work so closely with someone so gifted, talented and (dare I say) perfect like me?

Hi Pauly, Thank you for inviting me to join you. Most of the time the experience of working with you was enjoyable, notice I said most of the time. It was the 20% of the time that you were wrong about something that created a problem. Yes, I said 20% of the time. I know you think you are right 90% of the time, but in actuality it is 80% of the time. Sorry, I know that hurts your ego tremendously.

Who am I to argue with my guests? 90% of the time I am right... 80% maybe on an off day. So for the most part, working with me is a wonderful and exciting experience. Now you have other wonderful and exciting personalities in your life. I am referring to Dixie the Wonder dog of course. How is Dixie and what has she been doing in the last two months?

I still disagree with the 90% being right but I'll let you have this one for now.

Dixie is wonderful, she is getting ready for vacation this summer. We are planning a family trip to Florida and of course since Dixie is part of the family she will be coming along. We are staying for three days in the Orlando area and four days in Cape San Blas. So Dixie is starting to dream about running on the sandy beaches of Florida and chasing crabs.

Ah Florida, fond memories. It will be nice to get away from the day to day redundancy. Two games to play on your dive down... count the number of "See Rock City" signs and "See Ruby Falls." What will they do with out you in the office? Have they planned to close the place down? Or will you be accepting calls every 10 minutes?

Actually we thought about stopping at Rock City and Ruby Falls, believe it or not the kids have never been there. The last time I was there was in the spring of 1988. The Ruby Falls are certainly a site to behold -- walking miles and miles underground to see a small stream of water coming through the cavern wall with a red light shining behind it. How beautiful. The office will live without me, hopefully by that time they will have already gotten used to it. If not, I will not be accepting calls, I don't think cell service is available on Cape San Blas.

I'm going to see the movie 10,000 BC this afternoon, have you seen it? I'll let you know what I think.

I have not seen 10,000 BC. But I have seen Caveman with Ringo Star.

You are an avid fan of Lost. Any predictions of this season?

Ah Lost, as you know most of the time I'm lost when it comes to Lost. I'm beginning to think that may be Ben isn't the bad guy that we thought he was, perhaps he is actually a good guy. I'm still wondering about the smoke, Jacob, and the couple that was bitten by the spider and buried alive. Just got back from 10,000 BC, loved it. The special effects were really cool, the characters were engaging, the story line was kind of predictable but still entertaining.

Is it true that you did time in a Texas federal pen? Come on, tell the truth and what you did.

You know I don't like to talk about doing time in TX, oops I mean my time in TX.

If you were stuck on an island... which Elton John album would you bring?

Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboys -- without a doubt.

Same island, with your music, but you have to kick off two people and keep one... Who do you keep - Mike Rowe, Bear Grylls, or Jamie Hyneman (from Mythbusters)?

Well you know that I think Mike Rowe is quite a guy, so the question is do I want to have an enjoyable stay on the island although I may not survive long with Mike, or survive but have an awful time with Bear Grylls. I think I'll take Mike.

Before we get dirty... we should let all the readers know that you are the Queen of Clean and own a company called Wild Iris Soap Works.

While the website is being rebuilt can people contact you directly with orders? How would they do that?

Funny you should mention Wild Iris Soap Works, just today I called to have the website taken down completely. Unfortunately, my business partner and I just don't have the time to put into it right now.

Well I am not sure what I am going to give people for Christmas presents this year... But I hope you will take "special orders."

Thank you for taking the time to let us all get to know you a little bit better Linder and answering all of these deep questions.

Radio Lab - A Must Listen Podcast

2008-04-01T22:57:00.003-04:00

A rare and wonderful find I would like to share with all of you - Radio Lab.

Produced by Jad Abumrad and Robert Krilwich the two have an expanded and well researched conversation that explores a theme.

As a fan of James Burke and Carl Sagan, two scientific minds that could convey complex topics to a common level, I love the program.

There is no schedule for regular date and airtime. Instead great care is taken in developing content then the show is aired. In the podcast format it becomes addictive to burn CD’s and listen on the daily commute.

It is fun, and funny, informative and moving. It is Highly Recommended - listen now http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/

“In late 2001, Jad Abumrad was asked to host a showcase of documentary radio. He called it Radiolab. For a few years, Jad picked pieces that he liked and played them on Sunday nights. Every so often, Jad would make his own story ... or conduct his own investigation...and include it in his show. More and more, Radiolab featured Jad's original work, and played fewer and fewer of his favorite documentaries from around the world. Then one day in November of 2003, Jad was having breakfast with his friend Robert Krulwich. As Jad aired more of his own work, Robert was becoming impressed with how different and wonderful the show was sounding. On this November morning, Robert and Jad were discussing the mystery of how memory works, when one of them came up with the idea of taking that conversation into the recording studio. Whether that idea came from Jad or Robert may be lost to the still-unsolved mystery of how memory works. But they went ahead and talked to some scientists, and Jad embroidered and illustrated the resulting conversations with sounds and music. Before long, Robert and Jad decided to team up and re-launch Radiolab in its current form.”

Why gorgeous girls are happier with plain guys

2008-03-31T23:22:00.000-04:00

By LIZ HULL - More by this author » Last updated at 22:48pm on 23rd March 2008

He's had many an unkind comment about his looks when set against the radiant beauty of girlfriend Sienna Miller.

But Rhys Ifans seems likely to have the last laugh because psychologists reckon that happier marriages result from attractive women who wed uglier men.

And women who marry handsome men had better watch out. Men who saw themselves as better looking than their wives were more likely to be disgruntled and have negative feelings about their marriage, experts found.

The University of Tennessee study leaves 40-year-old Ifans set fair if, as expected, he marries 26-year-old Sienna this year, and it might also explain a few other couples such as Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas and Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller.

The Tennessee team tested 82 newly-wed couples for facial attractiveness and the quality of their marriage.

Their results, in the Journal of Family Psychology, suggested most men who married attractive women were happy to bask in the glory of their partner's beauty.

Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller had what it takes to be a perfect match according to scientists

But Professor Jim McNulty reported: "Men who were more attractive than their partner demonstrated a tendency to offer less emotional and practical support to their wives."

He said "evolutionary perspectives" offered an explanation.

"Attractive men have available to them more short-term mating opportunities.

"This may make them less satisfied and less committed to the marital relationship."

Strathclyde University psychologist Alastair Ross said many men enjoyed the prestige of having a beautiful wife.

"Men are rated as more likeable and friendly when they have a wife who is very attractive," he added.

Friday Afternoon Interview: Rohit Bhargava

2008-03-28T13:44:00.010-04:00

Rohit Bhargava is the Senior Vice President of Digital Strategy & Marketing for Ogilvy Public Relations. Monday his new book “*Personality Not Included: Why Companies Lose Their Authenticity – and how great brands get it back” will be released.

His blog, “Influential Marketing – reflections on creating compelling marketing, advertising and PR strategy” has been an outlet for his thoughts and experiences on combining traditional and interactive marketing.

For the release of his new book I was able to ask him five questions. Were they the best questions? We will find out this Monday after the votes are in… (Please feel free to vote for me here)

Here are the 5 questions:
1) What is corporate personality and why do we want a better one?

Rohit: I defined personality in the book as a combination of being unique, authentic and talkable. The main reason to have a better one is because I argue that personality is the difference between a product or service the people love as opposed to one that they just buy.

2) What was the spark that inspired you to write this book “Personality Not Included”

Rohit: I always knew that I wanted to write a book, but the other big reason was that I looked at all the marketing theories out there and thought there was a gap that I could fill with this book. The first thing I did when I got my book deal was head out and buy about 85 books that were on related topics so I had a full bookshelf to compare to. Now that the book is out, I believe that it does stand out from other books out there and offers a unique point of view.

3) “Conversation” and “dialogue” have become key words in marketing with the growth of social media, but we were communicating before the technology began to blossom. Do we have to learn new ways to communicate or just better ways to communicate through new channels?

Rohit: I think for some groups it will very much be a new way of communicating because they were used to creating content or messages for consumption rather than having a dialogue. For others, it is learning better ways to communicate through new channels. For example, I can't imagine anyone still sending a printed press release via fax (even though I know it still happens). Technology at its best makes communications faster and more efficient, but we need to still learn the lessons of how to do it.

4) Could you recommend a good quality (aspect) and an improvement in personality for these corporations: GM, Starbucks and the NFL?

Rohit:

GM - Good: Lots of smart social media work with influencers to engage them on GM products.
GM - Bad: Tough to have an overarching personality for a brand like GM where people associate so much with the products instead of the top brand

Starbucks - Good: Brilliant locations, ubiquitous and convenient
Starbucks - Bad: Not taking advantage of the passion of their employees

NFL - Good: Have some of the smartest marketing strategy of any brand, and certainly the best of any sports brand
NFL - Bad: Again, same problem as GM ... so much of affinity in NFL comes through the teams, but they have done a much better job of fostering the personality of the game itself (and are, in fact, the model that many other sports worldwide try to use)

5) As an “Everywhere Man” and contributor to “Everywhere Mag” what are your top three destination locations for reading your new book “Personality Not Included”?

Rohit: Interesting question, I haven't had that one before. Let's say my top 3:

1. Sydney - As a former SydneySider, I still tell anyone that will listen I think it's the most naturally beautiful city in the world. Anywhere in the city would do.

2. Mariahilferstrasse in Vienna - Not that I head to Vienna as often as I would like but this road has some of the best coffee and pastries in the world - what better combination to enjoy a good book?

3. San Francisco - Because lots of brand stories in the book come from San Francisco and that's a favourite city of mine (and also where I'm doing the launch party for PNI), I'd have to list that as my third desination.

Thanks to Rohit for the opportunity and best of luck on the new book “*Personality Not Included: Why Companies Lose Their Authenticity – and how great brands get it back.”

Love the Munn

2008-03-27T23:19:00.002-04:00

The Hunt

2008-03-26T22:46:00.002-04:00

We had been tracking the mighty beast for days without rest or sleep. Joe had spent two tours finding things that refused to pop their heads from the ground. He was the only figure I would want on an expedition like this.

Joe stops. His right fist slices through the air throwing up the signal for stop. With a flick of the wrist he indicated the creature had changed course and was now waiting to our right.

It was the first time this expression was revealed on Joe’s face in the eight years we had hunted together, fear.

Turning to the right I raised my rifle. With no time to aim a flash of fur and grizzled hair darted before me. I clicked off three rounds while Joe got off two. We both missed.

“He’s playing with us.” Joe said. His voice was soft and low. He moved his head slightly and we made our way in that direction.

Twilight in this jungle was night in any other land. I could only see the white of Joe eyes squint and strain in front of us.

Joe stops again. His breathing paused. Slowly he took aim. I tried to focus, see what caught his attention, but there was nothing.

Deep in the brush, past the low leafs, beside the trunk of a fallen tree, the pair of pink and red eyes of the monster pierced into the heart of Joe. With a brave effort the beast jumped at us straight on.

Two rounds echoed in the distance. The animal dropped inches from Joes boot. It’s heart racing from the hunt slowed and finally stopped.

Avenged were the women it maimed and men it killed. There would be a feast tonight to remember the loss.

Johnny Sokko and his Flying Robot

2008-03-25T18:46:00.003-04:00

This is where it started. One of the first TV shows I remember watching. The Muslim kid down the street would lie to his mom to come over to my house just to watch. He wasn't allowed to watch television. "The Phil" would call it "Johnny Taco Bell and his Flying Burrito." It was a simpler time and I was easily amused.

Hulu - I think I love you.

By the way - Flying Robot is not Egyptian, as I thought for so many year, instead a Samurai. Easy to make that mistake from the headpiece.

The Easter Bunny Hates YOU!

2008-03-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

Use Your Indoor Voice Please

2008-03-19T22:42:00.002-04:00

Benny Lava - The Answer to Your Questions

2008-03-17T20:35:00.002-04:00

Please finish this sentence

2008-03-15T14:50:00.001-04:00

My childhood pillow had Snoopy and his friends on it with the simple statement “Happiness is a warm blanket.” But as I grow older, no matter much I warm the damn thing up on most dower days, it does not seem to help.

Please finish this sentence with your words: “Happiness is ____________”

The Magic Jacket

2008-03-13T21:41:00.002-04:00

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Gene faced himself in the mirror at his apartment wishing. Big wishes with millions, keys to imported automobiles, titles to boats and property left his pockets empty. Little wishes like lollipops and licorice likewise. Alone, the jacket would not work.

On his next day at work with the jacket he found things in his pockets all the time. A pen for Mr. Jenkins, tissue for Kate, the fax Phil lost, a nickel the soda machine ate from Janice and the name of the contact Jake the sales guy needed to close the big deal.

One last bit of paper popped up near the end of the day. It was a phone number with the name Dr. Sharma written on it. He noticed it after passing Heather in the hall. He turned back to catch up with her.

Doubtful of what to say he just smiled and handed it to her say, “I thought you might give this guy a call. He can help.”

“Gene,” she said dismissively, “I am sure I don’t know what you mean.”

She kept the paper with her walking away.

“These little things,” Gene thought to himself on the bus ride home “they can’t mean all that much. I need to think of something bigger, more grandiose, something that will make a real difference.” He handed a cough drop that appeared in his pocket to the bald man next to him.

Over the next few hours Gene plotted and planned a trip across country. He could hitchhike. It would guarantee that there would always be another person around when they needed something.

“Really?” Mr. Jenkins nearly exploded hearing the news.

“Yes sir. I plan to travel across country.”

“Gene, don’t you want to give two weeks notice instead of just walking out? Wouldn’t you rather call it vacation, or a sabbatical, give yourself time to think it over? If I had a brick I’d knock some sense into that brilliant head of yours.” A lump appeared in Gene’s jacket pocket.

Once he removed the brick with a gentle thumped on the desk he tried to explain, “You see I don’t really have a choice. Something strange has happened and I don’t think I can ignore it.”

On final reflection of the surroundings he had spent the better part of a decade looking at Gene tried to take his first step to tomorrow. Heathers arms wrapped tightly around him quickly thwarted his first step.

“Don’t you know what you did for me? Don’t you realize what you’ve done? How did you know Dr. Sharma’s cell phone number? How can you just leave now?” Heather was overcome with joy.

David Mamet: Why I Am No Longer a 'Brain-Dead Liberal' An election-season essay

2008-03-12T18:51:00.002-04:00

John Maynard Keynes was twitted with changing his mind. He replied, "When the facts change, I change my opinion. What do you do, sir?"

My favorite example of a change of mind was Norman Mailer at The Village Voice.

Norman took on the role of drama critic, weighing in on the New York premiere of Waiting for Godot.

Twentieth century's greatest play. Without bothering to go, Mailer called it a piece of garbage.

When he did get around to seeing it, he realized his mistake. He was no longer a Voice columnist, however, so he bought a page in the paper and wrote a retraction, praising the play as the masterpiece it is.

Every playwright's dream.

I once won one of Mary Ann Madden's "Competitions" in New York magazine. The task was to name or create a "10" of anything, and mine was the World's Perfect Theatrical Review. It went like this: "I never understood the theater until last night. Please forgive everything I've ever written. When you read this I'll be dead." That, of course, is the only review anybody in the theater ever wants to get.

My prize, in a stunning example of irony, was a year's subscription to New York, which rag (apart from Mary Ann's "Competition") I considered an open running sore on the body of world literacy—this due to the presence in its pages of John Simon, whose stunning amalgam of superciliousness and savagery, over the years, was appreciated by that readership searching for an endorsement of proactive mediocrity.

But I digress.

I wrote a play about politics (November, Barrymore Theater, Broadway, some seats still available). And as part of the "writing process," as I believe it's called, I started thinking about politics. This comment is not actually as jejune as it might seem. Porgy and Bess is a buncha good songs but has nothing to do with race relations, which is the flag of convenience under which it sailed.

But my play, it turned out, was actually about politics, which is to say, about the polemic between persons of two opposing views. The argument in my play is between a president who is self-interested, corrupt, suborned, and realistic, and his leftish, lesbian, utopian-socialist speechwriter.

The play, while being a laugh a minute, is, when it's at home, a disputation between reason and faith, or perhaps between the conservative (or tragic) view and the liberal (or perfectionist) view. The conservative president in the piece holds that people are each out to make a living, and the best way for government to facilitate that is to stay out of the way, as the inevitable abuses and failures of this system (free-market economics) are less than those of government intervention.

I took the liberal view for many decades, but I believe I have changed my mind.

As a child of the '60s, I accepted as an article of faith that government is corrupt, that business is exploitative, and that people are generally good at heart.

These cherished precepts had, over the years, become ingrained as increasingly impracticable prejudices. Why do I say impracticable? Because although I still held these beliefs, I no longer applied them in my life. How do I know? My wife informed me. We were riding along and listening to NPR. I felt my facial muscles tightening, and the words beginning to form in my mind: Shut the fuck up. "?" she prompted. And her terse, elegant summation, as always, awakened me to a deeper truth: I had been listening to NPR and reading various organs of national opinion for years, wonder and rage contending for pride of place. Further: I found I had been—rather charmingly, I thought—referring to myself for years as "a brain-dead liberal," and to NPR as "National Palestinian Radio."

This is, to me, the synthesis of this worldview with which I now found myself disenchanted: that everything is always wrong.

But in my life, a brief review revealed, everything was not always wrong, and neither was nor is always wrong in the community in which I live, or in my country. Further, it was not always wrong in previous communities in which I lived, and among the various and mobile classes of which I was at various times a part.

And, I wondered, how could I have spent decades thinking that I thought everything was always wrong at the same time that I thought I thought that people were basically good at heart? Which was it? I began to question what I actually thought and found that I do not think that people are basically good at heart; indeed, that view of human nature has both prompted and informed my writing for the last 40 years. I think that people, in circumstances of stress, can behave like swine, and that this, indeed, is not only a fit subject, but the only subject, of drama.

I'd observed that lust, greed, envy, sloth, and their pals are giving the world a good run for its money, but that nonetheless, people in general seem to get from day to day; and that we in the United States get from day to day under rather wonderful and privileged circumstances—that we are not and never have been the villains that some of the world and some of our citizens make us out to be, but that we are a confection of normal (greedy, lustful, duplicitous, corrupt, inspired—in short, human) individuals living under a spectacularly effective compact called the Constitution, and lucky to get it.

For the Constitution, rather than suggesting that all behave in a godlike manner, recognizes that, to the contrary, people are swine and will take any opportunity to subvert any agreement in order to pursue what they consider to be their proper interests.

To that end, the Constitution separates the power of the state into those three branches which are for most of us (I include myself) the only thing we remember from 12 years of schooling.

The Constitution, written by men with some experience of actual government, assumes that the chief executive will work to be king, the Parliament will scheme to sell off the silverware, and the judiciary will consider itself Olympian and do everything it can to much improve (destroy) the work of the other two branches. So the Constitution pits them against each other, in the attempt not to achieve stasis, but rather to allow for the constant corrections necessary to prevent one branch from getting too much power for too long.

Rather brilliant. For, in the abstract, we may envision an Olympian perfection of perfect beings in Washington doing the business of their employers, the people, but any of us who has ever been at a zoning meeting with our property at stake is aware of the urge to cut through all the pernicious bullshit and go straight to firearms.

I found not only that I didn't trust the current government (that, to me, was no surprise), but that an impartial review revealed that the faults of this president—whom I, a good liberal, considered a monster—were little different from those of a president whom I revered.

Bush got us into Iraq, JFK into Vietnam. Bush stole the election in Florida; Kennedy stole his in Chicago. Bush outed a CIA agent; Kennedy left hundreds of them to die in the surf at the Bay of Pigs. Bush lied about his military service; Kennedy accepted a Pulitzer Prize for a book written by Ted Sorenson. Bush was in bed with the Saudis, Kennedy with the Mafia. Oh.

And I began to question my hatred for "the Corporations"—the hatred of which, I found, was but the flip side of my hunger for those goods and services they provide and without which we could not live.

And I began to question my distrust of the "Bad, Bad Military" of my youth, which, I saw, was then and is now made up of those men and women who actually risk their lives to protect the rest of us from a very hostile world. Is the military always right? No. Neither is government, nor are the corporations—they are just different signposts for the particular amalgamation of our country into separate working groups, if you will. Are these groups infallible, free from the possibility of mismanagement, corruption, or crime? No, and neither are you or I. So, taking the tragic view, the question was not "Is everything perfect?" but "How could it be better, at what cost, and according to whose definition?" Put into which form, things appeared to me to be unfolding pretty well.

Do I speak as a member of the "privileged class"? If you will—but classes in the United States are mobile, not static, which is the Marxist view. That is: Immigrants came and continue to come here penniless and can (and do) become rich; the nerd makes a trillion dollars; the single mother, penniless and ignorant of English, sends her two sons to college (my grandmother). On the other hand, the rich and the children of the rich can go belly-up; the hegemony of the railroads is appropriated by the airlines, that of the networks by the Internet; and the individual may and probably will change status more than once within his lifetime.

What about the role of government? Well, in the abstract, coming from my time and background, I thought it was a rather good thing, but tallying up the ledger in those things which affect me and in those things I observe, I am hard-pressed to see an instance where the intervention of the government led to much beyond sorrow.

But if the government is not to intervene, how will we, mere human beings, work it all out?

I wondered and read, and it occurred to me that I knew the answer, and here it is: We just seem to. How do I know? From experience. I referred to my own—take away the director from the staged play and what do you get? Usually a diminution of strife, a shorter rehearsal period, and a better production.

The director, generally, does not cause strife, but his or her presence impels the actors to direct (and manufacture) claims designed to appeal to Authority—that is, to set aside the original goal (staging a play for the audience) and indulge in politics, the purpose of which may be to gain status and influence outside the ostensible goal of the endeavor.

Strand unacquainted bus travelers in the middle of the night, and what do you get? A lot of bad drama, and a shake-and-bake Mayflower Compact. Each, instantly, adds what he or she can to the solution. Why? Each wants, and in fact needs, to contribute—to throw into the pot what gifts each has in order to achieve the overall goal, as well as status in the new-formed community. And so they work it out.

See also that most magnificent of schools, the jury system, where, again, each brings nothing into the room save his or her own prejudices, and, through the course of deliberation, comes not to a perfect solution, but a solution acceptable to the community—a solution the community can live with.

Prior to the midterm elections, my rabbi was taking a lot of flack. The congregation is exclusively liberal, he is a self-described independent (read "conservative"), and he was driving the flock wild. Why? Because a) he never discussed politics; and b) he taught that the quality of political discourse must be addressed first—that Jewish law teaches that it is incumbent upon each person to hear the other fellow out.

And so I, like many of the liberal congregation, began, teeth grinding, to attempt to do so. And in doing so, I recognized that I held those two views of America (politics, government, corporations, the military). One was of a state where everything was magically wrong and must be immediately corrected at any cost; and the other—the world in which I actually functioned day to day—was made up of people, most of whom were reasonably trying to maximize their comfort by getting along with each other (in the workplace, the marketplace, the jury room, on the freeway, even at the school-board meeting).

And I realized that the time had come for me to avow my participation in that America in which I chose to live, and that that country was not a schoolroom teaching values, but a marketplace.

"Aha," you will say, and you are right. I began reading not only the economics of Thomas Sowell (our greatest contemporary philosopher) but Milton Friedman, Paul Johnson, and Shelby Steele, and a host of conservative writers, and found that I agreed with them: a free-market understanding of the world meshes more perfectly with my experience than that idealistic vision I called liberalism.

At the same time, I was writing my play about a president, corrupt, venal, cunning, and vengeful (as I assume all of them are), and two turkeys. And I gave this fictional president a speechwriter who, in his view, is a "brain-dead liberal," much like my earlier self; and in the course of the play, they have to work it out. And they eventually do come to a human understanding of the political process. As I believe I am trying to do, and in which I believe I may be succeeding, and I will try to summarize it in the words of William Allen White.

White was for 40 years the editor of the Emporia Gazette in rural Kansas, and a prominent and powerful political commentator. He was a great friend of Theodore Roosevelt and wrote the best book I've ever read about the presidency. It's called Masks in a Pageant, and it profiles presidents from McKinley to Wilson, and I recommend it unreservedly.

White was a pretty clear-headed man, and he'd seen human nature as few can. (As Twain wrote, you want to understand men, run a country paper.) White knew that people need both to get ahead and to get along, and that they're always working at one or the other, and that government should most probably stay out of the way and let them get on with it. But, he added, there is such a thing as liberalism, and it may be reduced to these saddest of words: " . . . and yet . . . "

The right is mooing about faith, the left is mooing about change, and many are incensed about the fools on the other side—but, at the end of the day, they are the same folks we meet at the water cooler. Happy election season.

The Village Voice March 11th, 2008 12:00 AM

Pinewood Racer

2008-03-10T19:50:00.006-04:00

I am fortunate to live across from one of the top Volkswagen service centers in the country. Jenna spent the day visiting our good friends there making sure she will continue to be a runner.

On loan from the dealership I drove a white four-door gasoline combustion engine Passat. Now I have been told by people I love and respect very much that Jenna is a small car, a tiny car, only a few doors bigger than Dubbya my hatch-back. Others, who have an affinity for the Passat, tell me how large and luxurious it is. But in my hour-long morning commute I must say that the car is the same size as a Jetta inside. Yeah, the dashboard has a funny curve that would give you the impression it has more space, but the center council with hidden trays and shifter knob sucks that up.

Keep in mind the Passat was an automatic that kept my left foot fumbling for the clutch, it lacks the power and pick up Jenna the turbo diesel has off the line and in traffic. Plus, Jenna is not as… to be polite… heavy a girl. It feels like the Passat has an extra ton and that’s no fun.

The plus, Passat is more quite than the diesel engine and has several cool, yet distracting, devices in the dash.

Driving home, longing to drive Jenna my true love once again, I was thinking of a conversation a few single moms at work were having about their boys. It is pine wood derby time. They are being good moms; still they lack the design and engineering graces of the racing fan that aided me with my pine wood winner. Yes, as a cub scout I had a sleek and stylish graphite saturated melted lead fishing lure weighted proportionately balanced pine wood winner. Good times… good times.

It wasn’t until driving home today that I finally made the connection that my burnt red racer of old looks a whole lot like the spice red sweetie I drive now.

Today’s announcement from VW concerns me. They say future cars will be smaller and “more American” in appeal. Jetta’s were included on a list of autos that were being considered for Europe only while the Rabbit would keep breeding here.

When I finally got Jenna back this evening, the seat just right, fresh wash and steering wheel grips just so, I knew that I could never let her go.

March is full of Birthdays

2008-03-09T13:21:00.008-04:00

How

2008-03-05T19:42:00.001-05:00

How We Met

How We Broke Up

Captain Meatpants Calls You!

2008-03-04T22:48:00.000-05:00

Yatta

2008-02-29T18:55:00.002-05:00

You know how I know you're gay? You know what Yatta is.

You know how I know I'm not gay? Yatta is only funny to me.
Oh so funny.

We are the world

2008-02-28T20:16:00.003-05:00

If you didn't catch this before...

Or you can have fun with this CLICK HERE

Today... not the best

2008-02-27T23:08:00.001-05:00

Today I switched deodorants. Unlike “The Greatest Day I’ve ever known” I smelled like a pine tree soaked in gin (in short, I reeked of days of old.)

There was a special on the pricey antiperspirant. With today’s outrageous prices I nabbed it. I applied generously in the morning. By the time my car parked the smell of Irish Spring was opening my eyes.

I had hoped it would be another Mr. Snuggles, but it turned out to be Mr. Sparkles.

Red Erickson Day

2008-02-24T16:22:00.003-05:00

Lately I have been watching the re-runs of The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones. It’s a very fun series if you life keeping up with the Jones’s. Young Indy meets the people who shaped the first half of the 20th Century before they made their impact.

It reminded me once again of my grandfather and his brothers. Last year I wrote about Mox the boxer. This year I am looking forward to the recognition of Red the football player.

While I couldn’t find a picture of Red, I did find this well know figure playing football the same year Red graduated (hint: The 40th President of The United States.)

Alma College Athletic Hall of Fame
Cliff “Red” Erickson
Hall of Fame Athlete Football
Class of 1930
- Inducted into the Hall of Fame as an individual athlete.
- Participated in football.
- All-MIAA in 1928 and 1929.
- “Erickson playing fullback was a sensation in the conference this year. His hard hitting placed him as the foremost fullback. Erickson was also a stone wall on defense.”
- “‘Red’ Erickson the ‘bull of the north’, is playing at guard this year in the most improved manner.”
- “‘Red’ Erickson, a slashing, driving fullback was uncovered. The Newberry kid was hitting and hitting hard and how he did gain ground.”
- “‘Galloping Red Erickson’, The Newberry High School flash is Alma’s other All-MIAA candidate. The big, heavy, maroon and cream, ‘full’ was the outstanding offensive back for the conference. He is fast and plunged low and hard and when he hit the opposing line, it usually gave way.”
-“Albion could not stop this Alma player – Red Erickson, the battering man of the north.”

Escanaba, MI Aug 11, 2007 - The Upper Peninsula Sports Hall of Fame induction banquet moves to Escanaba in 2008, and it will have a noticeably local flavor.

CLIFFORD “Red” ERICKSON, Newberry. Nicknamed “the battering ram of the North,” Clifford Erickson was selected to the Alma College Sports Hall of Fame in 1975. Regarded by many as “the greatest athlete to come out of Newberry,” Erickson played football at Newberry from 1922-25 and Alma from 1926-29. He was a guard on Alma’s 1927 MIAA champions, then earned all-league honors as a fullback in 1929.

Bringing Up Baby

2008-02-19T20:22:00.008-05:00

As you know from my recent posting I know everything about everything. This is why the ladies come to me for advice on how to make babies and what to do with them once they are around. So I have taken all of my wisdom and experience for this short tutorial on taking care of babies. Because I know how much those who are pregnant love to be told what to do by people like me who know everything.

About a man/boy

2008-02-18T14:32:00.000-05:00

I had lunch with the old crew from three jobs ago. The place where I was Everywhere Man. It was great to catch up, everyone looks great and they are having good lives.

Half way through the car wash twenty minutes later I came to the conclusion that I am rather vacuous as a person. A bit like Nick Hornby’s Will in “About a Boy.” There are no kids to tell stories of, wife who is doing that thing, big trip I went on, new hobby to describe or old one to discuss. Outside of work there is little for me to talk about. Many do not want to put up with my political crap, religion is just bad taste to discuss, the writers strike keeps me from talking about a new episode and the rate I go to new movies has dropped from seeing them all to seeing one or two.

Boy, that weather we are having is pretty odd. All that rain… we sure do need it for the lake levels.

Oh well, I was happy to hear all about their lives. It would be nice to work with them all once again. I am afraid the work would not be all that great, but the people would be.

So I am planning my next trip. At least the next time we meet I can tell everyone about that.

Rebuttal - Go dogs go!

2008-02-16T21:36:00.003-05:00

I have gotten several off-line responses on my opinion that “women do not know what they want” from the recent post “Go dogs go - no means no.” Several people have asked me not to talk about their/our relationship in public.

I found this interesting as I was not writing about a specific relationship, rather an amalgam of ideas sparked by Episode #347 of This American Life called “Matchmakers”, a review of a book from last summer “I Am Charlotte Simmons” by Tom Wolfe and the approach of another single valentines day.

I will say this however - I must have been pretty close to the truth to get that response. Yeah, most of my avid female readership hates me, and the guys think I am pretty bitter, but I think many of us have faced this moment. I now point to The Clash, “Should I stay or should I go?” You’re complaint to me should be I am unoriginal and a plagiarist, not that I got this wrong or was pointing out one of you.

So to you who thought I was pointing you out, my sincere apologies. For those of you who think less of me… what can I say? Take a number, get in line.

The Best of GME07

2008-02-16T16:30:00.002-05:00

Last weekend The Best of GME07 was sent out to all of you who participated. If you haven’t gotten your copy you are either related to me or should send me an email and let me know the USPS has misplaced your set.

The playlist turned out to be pretty good this year. Look here again Thanksgiving 2008 to be a part of GME08. Until then be sure to keep track of your favorite 14 songs this year.

Disk 1
LoveStoned / I Think She Knows Interlude Justin Timberlake - Rulebreaker (Shaw)
Paralyzer Finger Eleven - What’s Up Cheesecake McGee? (Lori)
What I've Done Linkin Park - The Mac is Back Mix (Becky)
Mystify INXS - The Betty Crocker Mix (Kyle)
The Sweet Escape Gwen Stefani - You Have Got to be Kidding Me (Goans)
Never Going Back Again Fleetwood Mac - The NPK In Flight Experience (NPK)
Never Know Jack Johnson - Flip - Nola (Brian)
Hard Sun Vedder, Eddie
Last Goodbye Jeff Buckley - OMEGA (Marshall)
Die Die Die The Avett Brothers - 1970's Detective Porn (Ben)
The Story Brandi Carlile - Herstory 101: Carousel (Jinder)
Dandelion Antie Duvekot - I Must Have Missed the Turn ... we're way off the map!
Summer Breeze Seals and Crofts - Your Last Jelly Bean (AEKK)
She's Never Seen It Warm in the Wake - Sara's Mix
The Flame The Black Keys - From LA to A2 (Shaun)
When You Were Young The Killers - Peach Pie (Allyson)
Don't Change Your Plans Harvard Callbacks - The Biofuel Brothers (Phil)
The Way I Am Ingrid Michaelson

Disk 2
Everythings Just Wonderful Lily Allen Rulebreaker (Shaw)
Bubbly Colbie Caillat - You Have Got to be Kidding Me (Goans)
The Summer Knows Rigmor Gustafsson - The Biofuel Brothers (Phil)
Grace Kelly MIKA - Peach Pie (Allyson)
Left Foot Stepdow The Bees - 1970's Detective Porn (Ben)
Colorful Rocco DeLuca - From LA to A2 (Shaun)
Glory Bound The Wailin Jennys - Sara's Mix
Trains Porcupine Tree - I Must Have Missed the Turn ... we're way off the map!
Mr Brightside The Killers
If You Want me to Stay Sly and the Family Stone - Flip - Nola (Brian)
Hello it's me John Legend - Your Last Jelly Bean (AEKK)
Just My Imagination The Cranberies - Herstory 101: Carousel (Jinder)
Robody Hello Stranger - OMEGA (Marshall)
Times Like These Foo Fighters - The Betty Crocker Mix (Kyle)
Rattlesnakes Tori Amos - What’s Up Cheesecake McGee? (Lori)
Sailing to Philadelphia James Taylor/ Mark Knopfler - The NPK In Flight Experience (NPK)
Turpentine Brandi Carlile - The Mac is Back Mix (Becky)
How Deep Is Your Love The Bird And The Bee

Note from Detroit

2008-02-13T20:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I emailed the old team from a few companies ago. It had been a year, maybe more since seeing them, I have Monday off, why not get together for lunch?

Last night I dreamt I was back in a marketing meeting from three years ago and we were talking about changing the color of the company logo. It was such a vivid and stirring moment that it woke me from the dream. Great people.

Most of the new team is back in the office now. They were at a conference. On their return I heard stories of travel and tradeshows. It made me long for the old days. The delays and oversold flights brought me back. I am in a good place now.

While researching what they have done with out me over the last year, and where they want to go in the next year, I keep coming across all these people I’ve known over the years. The world is shrinking.

Finally, word from the place I just left… I haven’t been gone a week and they have already lost the tradeshow booth. Lost it. As in, “Where did I just place that box?” I guess I didn’t realize how lost they would be without me.

New Job Update

2008-02-12T19:54:00.000-05:00

Day 1
Temperature: 1F
Drive to office: 40 minutes
Spend day filling out paper work
Drive home: 55 minutes

Day 2
Temperature: 12F
Drive to office: 40 minutes, beat everyone in
Realize I have made the right choice and will one day rule this land
Drive home: 2 hours 10 minutes - 3 inches of snow

Feelings of bitterness for last job have subsided

Go dogs go - no means no!

2008-02-10T20:27:00.000-05:00

In the age of “straight talk” a conversation from the weekend stays with me though the cold bitter cold Sunday afternoon.

For years I have been told that “no means no!” I have been very respectful of this. When told no, I believe it.

The phrase was originally shaped to protect women from aggressive and thickheaded men who understood that women don’t really know what they want.

While hearing no, and abiding by the wishes of no, I still tend to think that women do not know what they want.

Say a couple has been dating for few months and there is a small disagreement. At one point she says, “Just go.” At this point he is faced with a small dilemma. His training in basic logic tells him that no equals no, hence, go equals go. He should leave. But there is a sense that bubbles deep from within that maybe he should stay and try to fight for what he cares about. This is cavemanic dogma that was burned along with so many bras in the late 60’s is not what the younger half of the population was raised on. So he goes, his instincts are squashed.

She is not happy. She is sad. She really wanted him to stay. She wanted him to try and fight for them. She wants him to be both the gentleman and the bad boy, nice Christian who pushes boundaries, independent and strong yet needing her for so much more, smart enough to impress her friends and handle all the problems that arise but always admits she is right and will just listen rather than recommend solutions to her problems. He learns this after a week of nightly four-hour phone calls she initiates in an attempt get back together.

A crazed sex addict once explained to me after his thousands of empty conquests resulted in a vacuous midlife crisis that when dealing with women you should only rely on instinct and emotion - logic has nothing to do with it.

All this is from the logical mind of men that no means no. Won’t we ever be right?

The Return of Bastard Cat

2008-02-08T23:12:00.001-05:00

The Lessons of Mike Rowe - Same Shit, different job

2008-02-07T20:18:00.001-05:00

I am caught in the moment of reflection. My resume spans several decades. Hundreds of people have been on my “team.” Hundreds of thousands have shaken my hand. Fond memories of my favorites flash in my minds eye. The tiny Sue S. was one of the best customer service people I have ever known - note to self, image her when talking to customers. My favorite boss of all time Terri M. was wonderful when managing people - note to self, ask yourself what would she do when in a pinch. Teat others like Scott R. would - fair, but funny. Work hard like Geoff - but don’t sell your soul to “the man.”

What is the lesson we learn every week from Mike Rowe? There are dirty hard jobs in this world, and thank God I am not stuck working one of them. Everywhere Mike will go there is shit to shovel, a hole to clean, something that needs scrubbing, or smells of death. The same shit will follow you no matter where you go.

The importance of what we do daily is that it is satisfying. We need to make a difference or count in our own way. The ancient text of the Upanishads would tell you that work without passion is an empty emotion - it is a wasted life.

Looking back on the last year I do not want to think of it as wasted. It would be nice to think I made some progress and difference outside of being a nice guy to work with.

I am not entirely sure that the ten years prior to that were not wasted. It was the travel and adventure that helped to build my character, so I grew, but did I help the organization?

My next step is on Monday. Will I drive the desk? Or drive a difference? Will I find passion? Will I be an empty vessel?

There will certainly be the same old shit that comes with every job, and some new shit too. Note to self - imagine Mike Rowe when shoveling and add a smile when doing it.

Days to go

2008-02-06T19:58:00.000-05:00

With only a few days left this song has been playing over in my head this week:

Super Tuesday in Michigan

2008-02-06T19:19:00.001-05:00

Will Ferrell: Funny or Die tour

I am a big nerd

2008-02-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

The p2 Show

2008-01-31T21:33:00.000-05:00

With six days left at this job I had to put on the p2 show one more time.

I have a talent. Let me be clear I am not talented - I have a talent. This talent is more like hubris, bordering on narcissistic. I can stand in front of an audience and be entertaining. Employers find this talent to be most beneficial during “team building.”

Part of my job has been to turn this four-hour lifeless quarterly snooze fest with a 150-slide black and white power point presentation into something more interesting. Over the last year the powers that be slowly began to listen to my suggestions. It has gotten better. But it is still pretty dull when they ignore my suggestions.

So today I was asked to put on the p2 show. This is the most excitement the poor group may ever see. It was teambuilding morning for 119 people in a warm ballroom dreaming of a free lunch in a few hours. So mentally I am imagine myself as the most energetic an engaging person ever. If you dream it, you can do it. Now in the right mindset and with six days left at this place, they hand me a microphone and stand me up in front of the entire company. These people are idiots. I was very tempted to be really funny. Funny at the cost of others. But I pull back from a vile and vengeful rant. Instead I am just funny enough to start the morning.

After a little team building everyone is very excited. Then the boss gets in front of them with the power point. The energy drops. I start to answer emails on Ike the cell phone. When they are done another team gets up front and picks the energy back up. We take a ten-minute break.

Everyone is back in the room and the p2 show starts. It is good. I am hot. On a roll. Add another cliché. After about 20 minutes I am half way through the exercise. Things are great, but the big boss wants to split the agenda. So I hand the microphone back to him.

Death by power point starts once again. I am certain the old man was one of the friars during the Spanish Inquisition. Once he wraps up I have to bring the energy in the room back up or the day will be a waste and the work lost. I am not sure why executives stop listening to the talent they hire. If I hire someone to do my taxes, I am going to listen to them. They are an expert. They know more than me on this topic. So if he hired me to run the show… why won’t he listen to me? Well. Not my problem anymore.

I am able to get things back on track. The morning ends really well, no thanks to the big boss. Looking back, to all of the progress they made over the last year, to finally catch a glimpse of the full potential of the p2 show, and to know that I am leaving next week… I am taking full pleasure in watching them realize what a great opportunity they have wasted.

I guess that is a pretty mean and narcissistic from the nicest guy in the world.

More Change

2008-01-23T23:16:00.000-05:00

Are you ready for an "agent of change?"

GME07 Update

2008-01-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

We are roughly one week away from the delivery of The Best of GME07 along with All of GME07. Music selections are in and under review. Artwork is complete waiting for that list of songs and artist.

I have to say it has been a very good year for musical submissions with some great new additions to the group.

If that one last person who promised to submit his CD would just burn it and hand it over to me I might be a little more comfortable finalizing this year. But final CD or not, I will send out the Best of GME07 at the end of January as promised.

Thanks to all those who participated in 2007.

CLOVERFIELD - See it

2008-01-19T17:45:00.000-05:00

Avid readers know what a huge movie fan I am. I will not spoil endings or talk to you about a movie until you have actually watched it.

The large and in charge ladies of the matinee who sat behind me in the theater were very vocal before and after Cloverfield. After the movie these ladies seemed disappointed. So I thought it might help if you set expectations at the appropriate level.

Cloverfield is a monster movie. But the movie is NOT about the monster. If you want to see a movie about the beast, watch Peter Jackson’s King Kong or better yet rent Monster Island.

Cloverfield is about a group of New Yorkers surviving an attack. It happens to be about a monster attack, but there are some points of the movie it won’t matter to you what it is, you just remember that we can be attacked.

When I was growing up in Detroit our local ABC affiliate would show Godzilla movies after school on Fridays. These were the “man in costume” movies.

These Godzilla movies were made soon after the dropping of Fat Man and Little Boy, the nuclear bombs deployed over Japan.

Godzilla has been portrayed as a creature of destruction and savior to the people of Japan depending which movie. I have heard the argument that the movies were an escape from reality while remaining politically charged and moralistic. I can appreciate these arguments. But to me, they are just really fun movies.

Cloverfield will be described by “intellectuals” who review movies the same way. To them I say you should enjoy the movie for what it is and stop reading into it so much.

Last week when leaving I am John Legend for a second time one little boy asked his father if that could really happen? His father let the little boy enjoy his childhood and several full night of sleep in his future saying, “no, people can’t jump around like that.”

But we know that our future is undecided. Just as in the Mary Shelly classic we know that man should not disturb nature, that no matter how confidant/arrogant we get, humanity will one day find that it’s hubris will be found in science. Our entertainment value is finding a way to survive what is out of our control.

Personals

2008-01-16T23:42:00.000-05:00

I have recently gone back to that crazy world of personals... do you think she is the real girl of my dreams?

"I have despaired to search for the love in mine not the big city. And on it I have addressed to the Internet here more opportunities and probability of that that I at last shall get acquainted with the man for serious attitudes. At once I wish to warn do not write to me those men which do not want serious attitudes. I shall be glad to answer your letter I is full of inspiration and is positively charged by emotions. No bad habits I have. No drink and no smoke."

The Magic Jacket

2008-01-14T21:30:00.000-05:00

Chapter 1

Gene had a kind face. His smile was the first thing people would notice. It was a comforting smile with slightly lazy sides. It lacked the harsh edges of a perfect smile giving the observer more ease. He was average height with an average build. If it weren’t for his smile, people may not have noticed him.

One of the fortunes of being so average is the ability to find pants that fit and shirts to match.

On this fine Saturday morning Gene was exploring the downtown market he would frequent for the freshest choice of vegetables. Past the banana stands, beyond the golden delicious, wandering in the way back for something new and fresh he could not yet describe, he found the old section of the bizarre. It was a section of brick and stone facades. Overarching tope muslin awnings blocked the sun from the wet narrow cobblestone. It was as if he had walked far enough back to reach another time.

Down the path on the right he found a small shop of second hand garments at Mrs. Bixby’s Bodacious Boutique. Mrs. Bixby was too short too see when she stood behind the counter and too old to get off her stool at the register. Instead she greeted Gene and watched him make selections.

Seersucker’s, velour, corduroy, denim, or velvet could be found in nearly any length and cut. His hands brushed across the shoulder of shirts on hangers. It gave him some small pleasure to think of the time as a child when he would hid in the garment rack of large superstores waiting for his mother to find him.

Temptation struck his eye in the form of a mannequin torso that stooped on a shelf. “How much for this jacket?” Gene asked Mrs. Bixby.

“Oh, you don’t want that jacket.” She smiled and replied.

“Really? It’s a nice looking jacket, I think it might fit well.” He said.

“You don’t want that jacket, it brings too many problems.” She said.

Gene inspected the jacket closer. It was a dark soft fabric. There was almost a shimmer when the light hit it a certain way. He tugged a little at the stitching and found it very strong. The cut would be described as casual professional, something he could wear with a collar or sweater in the winter.

Over the shoulders of the display he quickly removed the jacket from the lifeless figure. His arm was nearly in the sleeve when he found Mrs. Bixby standing in front of him.

“Oh no sir, you do not want this jacket. Once you place it on, you will never want to take it off.” She said in a reverent tone.

“Don’t be silly Bixby.” Gene proclaimed putting the jacket on fully and turning to the mirror.

Slowly he looked over this jacket that covered him. It looked good. He looked good. It matched what he was wearing perfectly. He looked slimmer, no, more muscular. Gene didn’t recall his hair being so luscious and thick.

“Ten dollars.” Mrs. Bixby said, “Ten dollars and it is yours.”

On that offer he removed exactly ten dollars from his front pocket then practically skipped out the front door.

Reflections of this new garment caught his eye in each shiny object. He made his way to the front market and completed his shopping of a few odds and ends. By the third purchase, he noticed a small trend. Every time he reached into a pocket he found the exact dollar, dime and nickel he needed.

“Yo!” He heard for over his should, “Spare some change?” A homeless man looked to him with outstretched hand.

Gene put his hand in the jacket pocket this time. His hand slowly removed two hundred and fifty two dollars. The homeless mans eyes got very large at the wad of cash. Gene handed it to him.

“Oh my lord” the man said, “how did you know? How did you know what I needed to pay my rent this month? God bless you, God bless you sir.”

Oddly, Gene smiled again and said “You're welcome.”

Down the street he arrived at the bus stop just in time to catch the 144 connector that would take him straight home. As the doors closed his hand went into the pocket and removed a $1.75 that was not previously there.

He turned to find a seat as the bus pulled from the stop. The momentum caused him to take a stutter step. As he caught his balance on the metal poll a bouquet of flowers shot out from his wrist. Looking down at the elderly woman before him he handed her the flowers saying, “I think these are for you.”

Under the exit sign a few chairs back he saw a little girl with her mother laughing at the flowers. As he passed her way a quarter feel from behind his ear. The noise and motion caught his attention.

“More! More please.” The little girl giggled.

Orange silk peeked its edge from the jacket pocket. Gene leaned down so the little girl could reach. She pulled the orange, which was tied to a white, connected to blue, followed by pink, nearly pouring from of his pocket in a long line of silk. When laughter overwhelmed the little girl she stopped and so did the hankies.

Riveted by this new discovery, by the new wonderful looking and magical jacket Gene found his seat and smiled. He found it hard to contain himself with the joy of finding a jacket that was so full of exactly what was needed.

Most important meal of the day...

2008-01-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

Gyre

2008-01-07T22:22:00.000-05:00

Chapter 1

I suppose inside I’ll always be that little nerdy girl in glasses and braces that will know more than the boys in the room.

It seems I have been in school for lifetime, my lifetime. During all of that education I remember one thing distinctly, inertia. To understand inertia, one must understand mass, velocity and momentum.

Inertia is shorthand for “the principle of inertia as described by Newton in Newton’s First Law of Motion.” More commonly you may have heard that a body in motion tends to stay in motion while a body at rest tends to stay at rest.

Mass explains how much matter there is in an object. Velocity is the rate of position. Momentum is the product of mass and velocity. The external acts that impact these bodies are often friction or gravity.

After high school my path through nursing school was mostly on inertia. My petite and shapely mass moved from class to class with little or no resistance at a steady rate. Undergrad at Albion was not so much easy as it took less effort than expected to stay at the top of my class. It gave me time for some fun, but how much fun can an Organic Chemistry major have?

With graduation six months away and little direction I applied to the University of Michigan for a Masters in Nursing. Becoming an RN seemed like an equally rewarding and challenging program.

While waiting the summer to hear if my application in the seasonal vacation respite of Traverse City. That may have been the best of any summer. During the day you could find me learning the basics of being a good sailor at the yacht club. At night I would wait tables at the local microbrew.

My momentum was constant, velocity increasing as I was be accepted for the fall semester. Memorization came easy, practical work was fun. It wasn’t until my last year in the nursing program that I ran into friction.

I wasn’t prepared for friction. I had not developed any skills to deal with it. Friction creates heat. It can slow the velocity of an object.

The gravity of the situation I now found myself in was what brought me to this point, a stop. As the case with many stop signs you must choose a direction.

Moving forward will be a tough and bumpy road to a place of struggle and uncertainty. Nursing was never a passion, just a choice that made sense a few years ago.

But sitting here, pen in hand, signing this waiver before me I can change course.
Three weeks ago a man died at my hand. I thought it was quick and merciful. It would have been had I remembered to disconnect the monitor to the nursing station. Instead the alarm sounded and they were able to bring him back. He had told me, no, begged me to help him. So I did.

Kicked out of the University program, charges from the family dropped after several conversations from the hospital and a review by the senior staff, I find myself here. The document for the next two years sits in front of me with a pen in my hand.

Mr. Robertson, the lawyer across from me, is well dressed in a continental fashion. He has a slight accent I cannot place, not British or South African, but perhaps Tasmanian.

The party to which he represents would like to contract my services as a scientific advisor for the next two years. A location is not detailed nor the subject of which I will be advising. He assures me that I am “uniquely qualified for this expedition.”
My choices are few at this stop. I need to pick a direction and build momentum before I get stuck at this point.

“Lori” Mr. Roberts says “I don’t mean to rush you, but we will only have two hours to settle your matters before your plane leaves.”

“I just want to be clear. If I sign this two-year contract all of my student loans are paid off. At the end of this term I will have one million US dollars in the account of my choosing. This contract may end early, at the determination of your client, but I will still get all of the money.” With each statement I outline he nods his head yes. Then I ask, “Will I need to worry about rent, food, or supplies?”

“No.” He says, “All of your needs, clothing, lodging whims will be met. All of your outstanding debts and bills will be settled. My client wants you.”

“What if I asked for more money?” I ask.

“Which number other than one million would make you say yes Lori?”
He has me stumped. If I ask for too much he may walk away, but asking too little for two unconditional years of my life I may regret the rest of my life. I take a chance “Five million.”

“Very well. Five million. Let me make the alterations to the contract” He takes the document and initials some spots, drawing lines through others.

Five million dollars, I should have asked for more.

He returns the document to my side of the table and hands me the pen. It feels heavy as I take it. But I close my eyes and take a deep breath. That little nerdy girl inside me does not know more than the boy in this room. But she winks and tells me, “Take the chance.” A sign my name with long and fancy strokes dotting the “I” in Lori with a heart.

"Agent of Change"

2008-01-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

If you are an "Agent of Change" you wear one of these...

Sit in one of these...

Or Drive one of these...

And you have to work one of these...

Agent of Change my ass!

Birthday Party 2008

2008-01-05T12:59:00.000-05:00

As you all know, I just celebrated another year of being alive. Things got a little out of hand with my harem of concubine... but hey, I love each and every one of them equally with all of my heart.

I don't really understand this batch of 21 year olds, I am looking for next years batch to be a little less messy or clean up afterwards.

Here are a few shots from the fun night.

Get Ready for 2008

2008-01-01T12:39:00.001-05:00

Everything you need to know about Lost in eight minutes and fifteen seconds.

Transitional Times

2007-12-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

Over the holiday I had some free time for deep thoughts while driving from one holiday house to the next. Conversations at one would spark thoughts on the way to the next.

I have decided that we are in a time of transition - an uncomfortable and clumsy era of finding our way.

Cars
Recent changes to the CAFÉ Standard have been made. Over the next decade auto manufactures selling in the United States will need to make cars that have better gas mileage and lower emissions to meet these new standards.

My elder Republicans have argued that the federal government should place fewer burdens on corporations and allow for a free market to determine the demand for product.

Consider that in “Boomer World” there is an emotional tie and connection to the American Classic. They grew up associating with the characters of “American Graffiti,” paying less than $5,000 for a car they could work on in the garage with a few tools, and experience their first love in the back seats.

But unlike the GTO’s, Dodge Dart’s, or Thunderbolt’s the Y’s grew up with the Transporter, Civic, and top-selling Corolla. The closest this generation can come to equal for an emotional apex is “The Fast and the Furious.” Cars are so complicated there is little one can do besides check and add fluids without going to the dealership or garage. For $5,000 one can buy a pretty crappy used car today.

It is the Y generation that will buy the CAFÉ Standard automobiles affected by this recent change in law just like today we are dealing with the aviation shortcomings signed into law by Jimmy Carter. While the cars of the Carter administration like the Bandit’s golden chicken hooded Trans Am were fast and fun for their time, they were also considerably less safe and held few features then a car of today.

We might consider that the transportation in our future will combine the emotional ties we cling to with the energy independence we need.

Writers
It has come to my attention that there is a strike being held by a group of people in the entertainment industry. These are people who are often attributed as being the creative drive to content. They are also epitomized in comedies as spineless arrogant know it alls who are under appreciated for their talents.

I am not a huge fan of unions. When you speak about organizing a group of people to represent specific interests against an authoritative figure it sounds like a great deal at first. It is often seen as a “David and Goliath” struggle of the “American dream”… nay, “right!” They promise provisional membership benefits, collective bargaining, and PAC/Industry actions.

But the outcome of those struggles has become increased prices, relocation of workforce to “global markets,” wealthy lawyers, very wealthy union representatives, and a division between management and workers.

The quality of entertainment over the last several years has been on the decline for me. Maybe I am an old curmudgeon, but we can use a show that is highly writer centric like Saturday Night Live. Has that gotten better in the last five years? Do they deserve a raise? Spiderman 3, better than the first? What about other sequels? There sure are an abundance of them showing a lack of faith in original content.

With the increase of interesting content on the Internet we should consider treating these union members like the air traffic controllers of the early 80’s and find some new talent.

Guns
When Virgil Earp re-posted the sign outside of Tombstone Arizona reading “no guns in city limit’s” he was not an anti gun activist. He was enforcing city law to prevent “Cowboy’s” from getting drunk and killing more than one another.

A few weeks ago when two different churches suffered attacks from a gunman the criminal was taken down by one of the guard’s at the second church.

The Colorado Springs church was not a gun free zone like the high school at Columbine Colorado. Members of the church had volunteers trained and licensed to carry a firearm.

I can only imagine that these people must feel like targets to have an advance plan in the case of a church shooting. It would also seem to me that having gun free zones can only signal to criminals that the location is one they can dominate in fear, as they are criminals and have no or little regard for the law.

So I guess, like Virgil Earp, we should not say there are gun free zones. Instead, responsible individuals who can protect others from criminals and “Cowboys” that will prey on the average citizen should carry firearms.

My Adorable Sister at Christmas part III

2007-12-29T21:47:00.000-05:00

Time is running out GME07

2007-12-28T01:15:00.000-05:00

There are some great submissions this year to The Great Mix Experiment 2007. They were all delivered on Wednesday by the post man. I gave myself the day before typing in all of these song titles.

You will see some people who have been a part of the experiment before and some fresh faces. Entries are from both LA and LA (the city and the state.)

If you would like to be a part of GME07 click here to learn more.

GME07 - From LA to A2 (Shaun)

Pass The Buck - Stereophonics
Piss And Vinegar - Against Me!
The Bad Thing - Arctic Monkeys
Goodbye - Army Of Anyone
Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing - Chris Isaak
Coconut Skins - Damien Rice
Witness - fIREHOSE
Bodysnatchers - Radiohead
Make It Wit Chu - Queens Of The Stone Age
Lost Without You - Robin Thicke
Colorful - Rocco DeLuca
Pearls On A String - Ryan Adams
I Was Wrong - Social Distortion
My Idea Of Fun - The Stooges
Can't Get It Out Of My Head - Velvet Revolver
The Flame - The Black Keys
It Means Nothing - Stereophonics

GME07 - Sara's Mix

The River is Wild - The Killers
Glory Bound - The Wailin Jennys
Pendulum Swinger - Indigo Girls
Anything, Anywhere - Melissa Ferrick
Blackbird - Sarah Helacklan
The World Spins Madly On - The Weepies
On the Radio - Regina Spektor
No One - Alicia Keys
This Years Love - David Gray
Another White Dash - Butterfly Boucher
Undeniable - Mat Kearney
Wrecking Force - Voxtrot
Turn on Me - The Shins
Sweet Mistake - Ellis Paul
Garden of Simple - Ani DiFranco
Suicide Medicine - Rocky Votolato
Marching Bands of Manhattan - Death Cab for Cutie
She's Never Seen It - Warm in the Wake
The Story - Brandi Carlile
Who Knew - Pink
Make you Feel Better - Red Hot Chili Peppers

GME07 - I Must Have Missed the Turn ... we're way off the map! (Mark)

Angel - Massive Attack
9 Crimes - Damien Rice
Trains - Porcupine Tree
Special - MEW
The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
Galaxies - Laura Veins
Prodigal Daughter - Jonatha Brooke
Smithereens - Annie Lennox
Circuitry - Discipline
Empire - Kaddisfly
Money Made You Mean - Indigo Girls
Up to the Mountain - Patty Griffin
Trolly Car - Ellis Paul
Dandelion - Antie Duvekot
Down in Flames - Mindy Smith
Starkville - Indigo Girls
Where is my Love? - Blackfield
I didn't Understand - Elliot Smith

GME07 - Your Last Jelly Bean (AEKK)

Be Still My Heart - The Postal Service
Good Feeling - Travis
Journey from A to B - Badly Drawn Boy
Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
My Moon My Man - Feist
Summer Breeze - Seals and Crofts
Love and Happiness - Al Green
Hello it's me - John Legend
Love Soon - John Mayer
What Am I to You - Norah Jones
Beetlebum - Blur
Little of Your Time - Maroon 5
Hibernation Day - Jars of Clay
Somersault - Zero 7
Here wth Me - Dido

GME07 - Flip - Nola (Brian)

Wouldn't it be Good - Nick Kershaw
If You Want me to Stay - Sly and the Family Stone
Mr. Bojangles - Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
She Moves in Her Own Way - The Kooks
Get Started, Start a Fire - Graham Parker
Talk - Coldplay
J.J. Cale - Cajun Moon
Never Know - Jack Johnson
Whiskey - Pat Green
If You Want me to Stay - Kermit Ruffins
1973 - James Blunt
Young Folks - John and Peter Bjorn
Last Christmas - Wham!
Christmas Time is Here - Vince Guaraldi Trio

Hoping you have a great Christmas

2007-12-24T10:36:00.001-05:00

How did I miss this???

2007-12-20T19:55:00.001-05:00

They were talking about this at work and I feel like I have missed out on something important.

If you plan to be a part of The Great Mix Experiment time is running out!

“I Am” Awesome…

2007-12-17T16:44:00.000-05:00

I will not give away any bits of the film. There are two prerequisite films you should really enjoy before deciding to see this movie. If you enjoyed Castaway, if you enjoyed Aliens, you are going to like I Am Legend. If you didn’t like one of these or neither of these, don’t see Legend.

I was happily surprised to see the 5-minute trailer to the new Batman film, The Dark Knight, before the IMAX version of Legend. That too looks awesome!

In an early scene of Legend we see the billboard of a joint Superman and Batman film in one of the Time Square marquise. Are we seeing a signal from Warner Brothers?

If you are interested in seeing the 70’s version of Legend, rent Omega Man starring Charlton Heston based on the same novella. The Smith version is much more intense and interesting.

Cloverfield

2007-12-16T15:48:00.000-05:00

This is a longer version of the clip that was out for a day earlier this summer. Even if the movie is just fair, I have to tell you that I think this is one of the most effective marketing campaigns for the internet.

The Great Mix Experiment 2007 - Peach Pie

2007-12-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I was up north with the sibs. “Phil” gave me his contribution to GME07. This sparked a conversation about Sara.

Sara has been a part of GME for a few years now. We met in the early stages of a wedding being planned. It was obvious to me when she and I met that I was no where nearly as cool or hip as she is.

This became very apparent with her first submission to GME. All of the music was great. It is the most requested CD for me to copy after The Best of GME is distributed. It is part of the reason I am now offering “All of GME.”

Well it turns out that Sara not only has great taste in music, is very sexy and super hip/cool. She also has great taste in cool, sexy, hip friends that also submit great music to GME.

Below is the play list from Allyson called Peach Pie. If you would like to be a part of The Great Mix Experiment click here to learn how.

Thanks Allyson for the great mix! Thanks Sara for telling all your friends.

1) Running Up That Hill - Placebo
2) Missed the Boat - Modest Mouse
3) Turpentine - Brandi Carlile
4) Trapeze - Patty Griffin
5) Home - Marc Broussard
6) 9 Crimes - Damien Rice
7) Whatever You Want - Vienna Teng
8) For the Windows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti - Sufjan Stevens
9) Mad World - Gary Jules
10) Knife - Grey Sea - Pilot Speed
11) When You Were Young - The Killers
12) Colorblind - Counting Crows
13) Dairy Queen - Indigo Girls
14) In the Deep - Bird York
15) Drive on to Me - Elliott
16) Vicious Traditions - The Veils
17) Fluorescent Adolescent - Artic Monkey
18) Late - Ben Folds
19) Grace Kelly - MIKA
20) When the Stars Go Blue - Ryan Adams