Recently one of my daily reads, Undercover Celebrity, was writing about her Dating Resume. She is hilarious and a “fast pee.” Two great qualities, she explains on her blog, which would make her highly desirable to men, especially to her man. It also reminded me of my dating resume. But it’s a slightly different story.
Setting the way back time machine to 1994 – I was returning to college after a few growing years in Chicago as “an actor.” There were several choices in higher education institutions. Aided by a friend, who just landed a full time job while finishing her last two classes of her last semester, she recommended her current college.
So one day, I went with her to campus. While she went to class, I walked the grounds. It wasn’t the best place, or the nicest, but I could transfer in easily. We met after class and she gave me the walking tour the way she had done for a campus job the semester before with high school seniors considering their futures.
This tree was a good place to read, that place had better coffee, the best coffee was off campus, and over there is the student union. Then she walked me over to her old office in admissions where the “friendly people” work.
It was there that I met Naomi (pronounced as if you were saying “now owe me.”) An amazingly gorgeous young woman of half German and half Japanese decent, she stood before me nearly the embodiment of every vision of the ideal woman I had ever had. She was interesting as well; world traveler spoke several languages, and great sense of humor.
I was a smitten kitten during the twenty minutes we spent together. But, she had to scoot off to class and my friend and I went to Depot Town for a sandwich. My poor friend was then raked over with questions about Naomi. She answered as best she could. I had found pure desire.
When I got home I decided that was where I would go to finish school, if only for the slightest chance to see her again. People pick schools for all sorts of reasons – family traditions, fraternal organizations, Slavic language departments – college is the witness relocation program for anyone that can get in. An entirely new identity can be created and new life begun. I, of course, was a cocky failed actor who just moved back from Chicago looking for something exciting. Could I transform to a person who could rise to the quality of Naomi?
So I got Naomi’s address from the friend, took my actors resume and head shot, and re-wrote the resume. I transformed it from all the musicals and plays I had been in, to a dating resume. It included my finer qualities, things of interest, likes and dislikes. Of course no resume is complete without a list of references to call on. I didn’t want her to call former girlfriends, so I put on a few female friends, mom, grandma, and made up something about Mother Teresa. Put it all in an envelope and sent it to her with a letter of introduction – just like I would for a job.
Once it was eaten by the big blue mailbox, there was no getting it back. My friend called about five minutes after I returned from the corner “Hey, I found out Naomi has a boyfriend by the way.” Ouch! Now my picture could be posted all over campus as a stalker. Maybe I would not be attending that university after all. Who needs that kind of reputation before arriving on campus? I’ll grow a beard. Dye my hair brown. Stay on “the down low.” I was embarrassed for days over this foolish heart of mine.
A week later – I got a great letter from Naomi. She wrote to inform me that while all of the references had great things to say, my resume was very interesting, and I seemed an ideal candidate, that unfortunately, the position was already filled. She would however, keep my resume on file in case the position opened up again.
I knew there was something about her I liked. Good sense of humor. I am still waiting for her to call back. But the benefits of that position might be so good, that the current guy for that job might never leave. Maybe I should put the resume together again.