Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Friendship Question

Recently I have been experiencing deep thoughts. Not the kind Jack Handy is known for. More focused on the specific subject of friendship. I have seen that the exquisite and gifted Cheryl has written on the topic recently – and it has been inspiring.

If I may borrow your brains, I’d like anyone interested, to answer a few questions. Your responses can be in reply to this blog, or on your own site (just please let me know where to find it.) Your thoughts can be as deep as Jack Handy, or as shallow as a pool of oil floating on top of water.

Thanks for answering:

1) What makes a friend, a “best friend?”

2) Is friendship based more on location (down stairs, in the dorm, driving distance, across the country), shared experiences (sport, organization, interest), or a common bond (beliefs, family, marriage, or mutual friends)?

3) What would be more likely to end or push the limits of a best friend? Back stabbing, change in location, dating former ex or something else? Please give example if you can.

4) Are there unspoken, mutually understood, rules to friendship? For example, never date an ex with out asking or flirting with my current “other” is a bad – those are just common examples; other rules would be appreciated.

As a side note, all of my current friendships are just fine. There is no need to worry if any of you are reading. It would be nice if you gave your thoughts as well.


  1. Wow those are really tough questions. "Best Friend" is something I just fealt with mine. Like the realization you have when you know you're in love, you realize there's something special and different in that realtionship.

    I wouldn't say location because my best friend and I had times where she was in Chicago and I was in Minnesota, but she was there for me more than friends who were physically near me. Shared experiences reinforce the bond. I think common bonds work a lot--in the sense of values, mutual experiences and friends, etc.

    I think what would change or push limits depends on the people involved. Again, just like in a relationship different people have different standards and are willing to put up with more. Backstabbing isn't good, but I couldn't imagine my BF doing that. I will say that when some people I considered BF all but abandoned me in a difficult time, that definitely made me redefine the friendship. And the same sort of goes for rules.

    And thanks for the compliments; you flatter me.

  2. I think a best friend is someone who gets to know you and accepts you with all of your faults. You can talk about anything with them and they at least attempt to understand you and what you are feeling. They are someone you have common interests with and can have fun with, laugh with.

    The closer the friendship, I think location plays a key factor. In order to be close, don't you have to be close in proximity to the other and be able to get together? I do think shared experiences are a plus, but I would think it would be extremely difficult to find someone with similar experiences as mine.

    I think the end of a relationship could be triggered by the other pulling away based on perhaps another person. I have seen many friendships break up due to new boyfriends that take precedent.

    I don't think you should ever date a friend's ex. But if you just can't withhold, then you should always talk about it first. I found out the hard way that you are apparently not supposed to tell the friend if you know their boyfriend is cheating, because you will be the bearer of bad news, thus equivalent to the bad news.

    And as a bonus, my favorite Jack Handy quote:

    The crows were calling his name, thought caw.

  3. 1. what makes a best friend a best friend is if you can sit in complete silence in eachother's company and be okay. if laugh at the same things because you both think they are funny. if you can read eachother's minds. if you can yell like hell at them and not be afraid to step up and tell them when you are worried about them, and wheather or not they take your advice, they listen to you and consider it.

    2. a friendship is based on a common bond, in my opinion. you may meet them by location or shared experiences, but there is something beyond that that keeps the friendship going!!!

    3. i'm not sure what would end a friendship. in one of my cases, it was because this friend just never listened to anything i had to say - and he started 'protecting me' from something i didn't want to be protected from (a boyfriend of mine at the time) and i found out that our morals and views on lots of things weren't the same, but then he picked a fight with me over the issue. i haven't talked to him in three years.

    4. rules for a friendship? well, for girls there are the obvious ones: tell if the outfit looks tacky, if you find something out about their boyfriend they should know, get their back in an argument with anybody else, never date an ex, do crazy and wild things together on a regular basis, don't give them advice when they just broke up with a guy...(i can't think of any more...)

  4. 1. When you can cry in front of them and not feel ashamed/stupid and also when you can fart in front of them without remorse.

    2. I think just chemistry between the two. Same as a "relationship" with the opposite sex, you need to have the personality, loyalty, sense of humor etc. ANd then of course the other things help; location,shared experience,common bond.

    3. For me I've lost a lot of friendships due to the fact that I've moved a lot. It's easier to say that you won't lose contact and even easier to lose it.

    4. Tell me if I look fat in an outfit.
    Don't date my ex.
    Don't judge circumstances that you don't agree with. Explain your standpoint then support.
    Don't lie.

  5. Thank you very much for your participation! All these answers are really varied and give me a lot to go on. You have all been such great help, I really appreciate you reading and responding.