Monday, July 24, 2006

What I Learned in Las Vegas

If you spend enough time with someone you can learn more than you will have ever imagined.

Recently I spent some time with my two good friends Shaw and Law Pirate. I learned a lot about the two of them. For example, I learned that Law Pirate likes sushi. I mean he really likes sushi. We went to an all you can eat buffet in Las Vegas and we were asked to leave at one point. The man likes sushi.

Law Pirate has a very creative side. He likes to color. Man does he like to color.

Shaw, I have learned, is obsessively helpful. When something asks for directions, she sets them straight.

It’s right over there, past the sluts of whore island.

High five for a good job! Shaw is helpful.

She also helps those in need. When someone needs a drink, she will share (but that’s not soda.)
So what did they learn about me? First, I snore. When I warned them they laughed and turned down the ear plugs. But the next night, they knew. I rip the paper off the walls rattle the windows snore in my sleep. Second, while others sleep, I play Fox News and reprogram their minds to Sheppard Smith. Third, p2 is a fast walker. Even when I don’t need to be anywhere, for any reason, I am in a rush. Well, not a rush as much as a race. I need to be there first.


  1. KShaw with a wooden Indian (Native Pine) looks better than my Evil Bob with a wooden Cowboy (Bovinae Caretaker Person).

    And remember, what happened in Vegas, stays in Vegas. And what stayed in Chicago... was your phone.

  2. I think that most often Shaw finds herself drawn to wooden Indians. Even though she herself has been heard to proclaim "I'm not thirsty!" she will not take any of that from a statue! She made sure that wooden Indian was well hydrated. She's so helpful!

  3. For clarification, Gerry McCambridge, the Me(n)talist, is saying, "I'll eat your baby!" Also, the subheading for his show is, "He Loves Lead!" I don't know what the facial decorations are all about. And I have it on good authority that Steak Diane is really just Steak'ums with gravy. Beware.