For all of you new or avid readers of the Everywhere Man I would like to take this post to reiterate that I am a shallow and thoughtless man. All of my dear friends, former and current co-workers, along with the thousands of strangers I meet can attest to this.
They will tell you that I am not one for remembering special moments in your life, I only brag about my own accomplishments. It is rare that I would ever instigate bringing people together on a regular basis who had not seen each other for a while. That whole Great Mix Experiment is really just about me getting as many songs for myself as possible. And anyone who has ever asked me for anything or for my time has, of course, walked away empty handed and feeling a little less human as I’ve sucked something of their dignity from them.
Ladies, you can be certain that if we have ever had dinner or on the rare occasion that I’ve picked up the bill, it was only to get in your panties. The hours of foreplay are really for my exclusive benefit. Calls you may get from me are only a way to “pay it forward” and put a little credit in the bank that you owe me.
Me, me, me, me, me - enough about me, what do you think about me? (Old Joke that only I would get.)
So if you should ever have the pleasure of getting an email from me again - be warned, it must be because I want something from you or I am calling in a favor. That email will be full of spite and rage making you feel small on purpose and not a small hint from the dozens of spam links you’ve sent me in the last month. Now that I think of it, I do have your email and I find it very amusing to put people on gay porn mailing lists - this makes me laugh.