Sunday, October 02, 2005

There is only so much

“Thank you for calling XXXXXXX Cable provider, this is Toni, how can I help you today?”

“Well” he hesitated “I think there is something wrong with my cable.”

“Can you describe the problem sir?”

“Well, every time I turn the set on to watch, it starts out fine.”

She listens and types his comments into the computer file.

He continues “But at certain times it does funny things.”

She asked politely “Can you describe ‘funny’ to me?”

Pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, “Well, the main character will be in a situation, and then he comes up with implausible solutions to get out of these situations. Mostly it involves movies with Ben Affleck and Will Smith, but it is not limited to those movies.”

“Well sir” she tried to be gentle “those issues are with plot and character development, not your cable box.”

“But I am paying nearly $150 a month for cable, High Definition, and high speed cable – are you trying to tell me for all that money you can’t help me? I have to suffer through all of this pointless crap?”

“No sir, I can not help you with this. While we try to provide terrific content, and a rich source of entertainment, I can not change the level of believability for Ben Affleck and Will Smith films.”

He interrupted, “Movies.”

“Pardon me sir?”

“Ben and Will make movies, Cameron Crowe makes films.”

She remained professional “Yes sir, they are movies. You will still need to suspend disbelief for several of these movies.”

She could hear his sigh and disappointment.

“That is an awful lot of disbelief to suspend” he finally replied.

“Yes sir, it certainly is. Still, I can not make your viewing experience any better than it is now. You have, what we called, peaked, for technology. There is nothing more we can provide you. You have every service we offer.”

“But I’m still not happy.” He whined.

“Have you considered Jesus? Or maybe a pet?”


  1. For that I would want it filmed live in my house with plausible plots and tea served by the main actors!!!

  2. Sorry, once again I am writing fiction. This conversation only took place in my head, I don’t pay $150 a month for cable, but if I do get a pet (most likely a cat) I would consider calling him Jesus and only speak to it in Spanish.

    ¿usted tiene gusto de tomar una siesta? ¿O usted tienen gusto de comer?